I HAVEN’T GOT THE FATTEST CHANCE IN HELL
In the First Round of the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy, Kylie Bumcheeks and York’s Returning Glory pull off the shocks by beating fancied teams Claymore Athletic FC and Real Muppets respectively. Kylie’s 3-1 win was thanks to goals from Beattie, Hyypia and Perry, whilst York’s Luke Young fired a late winner to knock out the Muppets 2-1. So, Cup Performance of the Week was literally a coin toss, which York’s won. So well done Julian, who is now £100,000 richer, and commiserations to Rich for missing out!
Elland Road Big Boys once again exacted Cup revenge on Boston Rock for their 5-1 Cup Final spanking a couple of seasons ago, beating my poor old lot 3-2, with Eirik Bakke getting the winner. Bugger! Now my only hope of Cup silverware is to retain the FA Cup – again!
Other First Round winners were Cup (and everything else) favourites Aardvark Abacus, knocking 4 past Short Straw; Prettier Than You, beating the Groove Machine twice within a week with Barry Hayles again amongst Rachel’s scorers; and Trusted, who beat a stubborn Viola’s Pier 3-2. The Mega Buck and Fred West, and San Dimas and Nil Satis fixtures both ended in draws, and they therefore replay this weekend (w/e 20 October 2001), doubling up with their league fixtures.
THEY’RE GROWN MEN WHO PLAY LIKE CHILDREN
The Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Quarter Final draw is as follows;
Elland Road Big Boys v York’s Returning Glory
Aardvark Abacus v Mega Buck Bandits/ Fred West Landscape
Gardening XI
Trusted By Millions v Kylie Bumcheeks
Prettier Than You v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum/ San Dimas High
School
The games will be played on w/e 3 November, replays notwithstanding, and will be the only fixtures to take place that weekend. To reiterate; there will be no Fantasy League league games on w/e 3 November, just the above Cup fixtures.
YOU’RE HALFWAY ROUND THE WORLD AND I’M JUST A DAY BEHIND
I guess this serves me right for pissing off to Belgium for the weekend. In this weekend’s league fixtures, Claymore Athletic FC end Boston Rock’s recent good run of league form with a 3-2 win at Gooch Street, David Weir notching the winner after Boston Rock’s big Summer signing David Dunn had gotten off the mark for the Sky Heroes. As a result of that game, Claymore moves back to 3rd, and I plunge 3 places down the table. How the fuck did that happen???!!!
Aardvark Abacus still head up the table by 2 points from Trusted By Millions, Ady’s team knocking 3 more goals past Short Straw, who must be thoroughly sick of the sight of the Abacus by now. Trusted By Millions march on with a comfortable 2-0 win over Mega Bucks, who really haven’t got their shit together yet this season. San Dimas slip to 4th after being held 1-1 by the Groove Machine, and Real Muppets also lose ground on the leaders, Elland Road holding them to a 1-1 draw. Mid-table teams Prettier Than You and Fred also draw, Rachel’s in-form young forward line Craig Bellamy and Darius Vassell both on target in their 2-2 draw.
At the bottom, Nil Satis notch their first win of the season with a 2-1 defeat of Viola’s Pier, thanks to Paul’s defenders Xavier and Alpay. This win leaves Viola’s beached at the bottom, lifts Paul above York’s Returning Glory, who lost 2-1 to Kylie Bumcheeks, and also earns Nil Satis the Performance of the Week £100,000. Well done Paul.
COS I’D ALREADY PLAYED THE GAME
I got an interesting little e-mail comment from Ryan, reacting to the previous weekend’s fixtures. “Seeing Fred’s scoreline whereby Silvestre scored (Silvestre was a 2nd half sub for Man U, after they’d conceded 3 in the first half in their 5-3 win over Spurs), it is possible that even if every Premiership game were to finish 0-0, the fantasy scorelines would not necessarily be the same, allowing for substitutions and non-playing defenders. As Greavsy would say ‘funny old game’”.
Well, that’s what makes this Fantasy League unique, Ryan!
TRANSFER NEWS
Mr. Saleh dumps the retiring Willem Korsten into the pool before I have a chance to contact him about Korsten’s retirement from football at the tender age of 26, so he gets half the cash back (£250K, whoopee!). Then he goes straight out and buys 4 new players. Elsewhere, Beef wins the 3-way race to sign Nils-Eric Johansson, beating Prettier Than You and Short Straw Rovers with his bid of £3,600,000 to augment the Trusted By Millions defensive line-up.
All the recent transfers are listed overleaf.
Player From To Fee
Willem Korsten Nil Satis Nisi Optimum Pool/ Retired £250,000
Mark Kinsella Charlton Athletic Nil Satis Nisi Optimum £500,000
Gabrielle Ambrosetti Chelsea Nil Satis Nisi Optimum £500,000
John Collins Fulham Nil Satis Nisi Optimum £500,000
Jason McAteer Blackburn Rovers Nil Satis Nisi Optimum £500,000
Jody Morris Aardvark Abacus Viola’s Pier (revised price) £1,300,000
Eidur Gudjonsson Viola’s Pier Aardvark Abacus (straight swap) £3,100,000
Martin Keown Aardvark Abacus Viola’s Pier (straight swap) £3,100,000
Stefano Eranio San Dimas High School Released £0
Ian Taylor Aston Villa Elland Road Big Boys £500,000
Vegard Heggem Elland Road Big Boys Pool £250,000
Nils-Eric Johansson FC Nuremberg (48 hour rule) Trusted By Millions £3,600,000
Matthew le Tissier Trusted By Millions Pool £250,000
Don’t forget that the players highlighted are subject to the pool “cooling off” period. Any managers interested in buying them can bid until 8 p.m. on Monday 22 October, after which time they go into the pool proper and are readily available.
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
Which star of the 1994 and 1998 World Cups reportedly kept sheep and goats as pets?
One entry per person as usual please, to me by close of play on Saturday 20 October.
Mrs. Campbell named her little lad Sulzeer. I guess she thought she must have had indigestion instead of being pregnant (Alka Sulzeer, geddit? Oh well…)
Well done to Ryan, who even gave me his middle name, Jeremiah – Sol’s that is, not Ryan’s (Ryan Jeremiah Moore, ha!). So Real Muppets are £75,000 richer. Commiserations to Peej, who also guessed correctly, and to Clive, who’s probably still puzzling this one out.
SHORTS
The Recat King, Peej, has deemed Elland Road Big Boys’ Lucas Neill is now a defender. This’ll piss Beef off, as he was in for Neill before Deano got him out of the pool, only to delay signing him as he was categorised a midfielder!…also, Kylie Bumcheeks’ Jamie Scowcroft is now a forward. Consequently, Rich Smith would like it know that he is on the lookout for new players, mainly midfielders. Anyone who has any surplus and wants to try and do a deal with Rich can contact him on e-mail Good luck, as he’s a tough negotiator!…
WSFFL Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy First Round,
W/C 9 October 2001
Claymore Athletic FC 1-3 Kylie Bumcheeks
Malbranque Beattie
Hyypia
Perry 23,431
Mega Buck Bandits 2-2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Sheringham (1) Desailly
Wallace Beckham 12,386
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 2-3 Elland Road Big Boys
Pahars (3) Charlton
Kewell Powell
Bakke 12,582
Real Muppets 1-2 York’s Returning Glory
Viduka (1) Mills
Young 13,112
Aardvark Abacus 4-0 Short Straw Rovers
Robbie Keane 3 (3)
Harte 32,672
San Dimas High School 3-3 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Reuser 2 (2) Anderton
Terry Collins
Rebrov 16,316
22 Legged Groove Machine 2-3 Prettier Than You
Poyet (1) Bellamy
Saha Hayles
Johnsen 14,493
Trusted By Millions 3-2 Viola’s Pier
Euell (2) Bridge
Burley Gudjonsson
Andrew Cole 17,734
Performance of the week: York’s Returning Glory
REPLAYS TO TAKE PLACE ON W/E 20TH OCTOBER 2001, DOUBLING UP WITH THE REGULAR WEEKEND LEAGUE FIXTURES
WSFFL RESULTS; Week 7, W/E 13 October 2001
San Dimas High School 1-1 22 Legged Groove Machine
Ziege (1) Poyet 44,352
Prettier Than You 2-2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Bellamy (3) Giggs
Vassell Jansen 29,759
Elland Road Big Boys 1-1 Real Muppets
Murphy (3) Robert 28,579
Kylie Bumcheeks 2-1 York’s Returning Glory
Shearer (2) Tugay
Ravanelli 25,361
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2-1 Viola’s Pier
Xavier (1) Ferdinand
Alpay 22,820
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 2-3 Claymore Athletic FC
Kewell (2) Henry
Dunn McGreal
Weir 30,148
Trusted By Millions 2-0 Mega Buck Bandits
Phillips (1)
Cole 40,370
Aardvark Abacus 3-0 Short Straw Rovers
Solano (2)
Hasselbaink
Gallas 48,305
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