GERTRUDE STEIN SAYS “THAT’S ENOUGH” (I KNOW THAT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH NOW)
It’s that time of year again. Please let me know ASAP, preferably by return of e-mail, whether you want to continue as a WSFFL Manager next season! As usual, if any of you want to quit WSFFL, I want to be as fair as possible to any prospective new managers by giving them the Summer to learn the rules and bone up on this great game of ours. So let me know your intentions, all of you! And don’t think that just because you’ve played since Clive-lad was knee-high to a grasshopper, that I’m going to assume you want to carry on – I still want to know for sure!!!
Could you also all please let me know whether you wish to retain any of your relegated players (i.e. players from West Bromwich Albion, Birmingham City or Sunderland) into your squads NEXT SEASON? This also goes for players who are released by their Premiership teams, plus any retained players you already have (so Ceri and Paul, d’you still want Andrew Johnson and Robert Green?).
As usual, I’ll keep a list of the players who are relegated/ released and “not required” by managers. So if any of them are signed by Premiership clubs before the transfer deadline at the end of August 2006, the manager who previously owned them will get first refusal on buying them back for the compensation received. Therefore, there’s no need to hang onto all your Sunderland players in the hope that they’ll all sign for other Premiership teams. They won’t. They’re rubbish. Simple as that.
As ever, I’m not chasing managers up about this, so if I don’t hear otherwise from you by the end of May 2006, I will assume you DO NOT want to keep your relegated and retained players, and will instead compensate you the cash. Capice?
YOU WOULDN’T CHANGE, OH WHAT A SHAME
As per usual, if any of you have any suggestions for rule changes to be adopted for next season, I’m happy to receive them and discuss them with my Executive Committee colleagues (Saleh, Timms and Bevan Jr.) for eligibility prior to putting them to a vote at the AGM. Remember that they must meet the following criteria;
- Will it enhance the game and make it more realistic and/or fun, and
- Will it have no impact upon your hard-worked co-ordinator (that’s me), or, preferably, save him time?
If the answer to both is yes, then suggest away, my friend! If not, don’t bother!!
WE CAN BE HEROES
What a way to make history! You Know Your Boston Rock FC became the most successful WSFFL Champions ever this weekend; the “Sky Heroes” 7-1 thrashing of San Dimas High School gave them 69 points and the highest ever points-per-game average for a season of 2.3. In front of a 73,006-strong party atmosphere, goals from 7 different “Sky Heroes” led to Boston Rock’s biggest win of the season and a place in the record books.
For two reasons as well, as a last day turnaround also meant Boston Rock’s title was secured by the biggest ever winning margin of 11 points. The turnaround in question was a shock win for Claymore Athletic over Aardvark Abacus, the outgoing champions winning 5-0, with Thierry Henry scoring a hat-trick. Claymore’s crushing victory secured them the POTW £500,000, and also the May Manager of the Month £250,000, so Clive trousered ¾ of a mill for an afternoon’s work. Well done Clive-lad! This meant Trusted By Millions needed to win to snatch 2nd place from Ady’s men, and they duly obliged, with Titus Bramble getting a double in their 3-1 win over Nil Satis. So, it’s 2 runners-up plaques for Beef this season; the camera will be out at the AGM, no doubt…
Fred, 4th, finished his campaign with a 3-0 win over The Dead Parrots, and Eleven Imaginary Boys secured 7th slot with a 1-0 win over Thommo’s Titans. They stayed one place ahead of the strong-finishing Prettier Than You, who consolidated in 8th place as a Zurab Khizanishvili double saw them overcome Mega Buck Bandits. On a last-day upwards trajectory were the 22 Legged Groove Machine, 3-2 winners over York’s Returning Glory, who sadly finished bottom; and Real Muppets, who trounced Final Fantasy XI 5-0 to leap 3 places into the top 10.
IT’S NOT SO MUCH THAT I DISAGREE WITH YOU, IT’S THAT YOU’RE WRONG
So, feel free to disagree with me (and please let me know where you do disagree!), but here’s the Co-ordinator’s thoughts on the season just completed, and the form (or lack of it) shown by the WSFFL competing teams. As ever, these are just my observations from the outside looking in, and are not meant to be an excuse to come round and punch me in the face. After all it’s only a game (yeah right)…
You Know Your Boston Rock FC headed the table for no less than 49 of the last 60 weeks (82%), so you could argue that one title is the least they deserve. The Boston Rock of 2004/05 always flattered to deceive, however, and last Summer’s acquisition of Darren Bent was crucial to galvanise the deflated “Sky Heroes” following their end of season collapse. Bent’s debut season saw him hit 16 goals, including the winner in the title-clinching game against the Groove Machine. Worthy Champions? I like to think so...!
I was right when I said in last year’s summary that Beef wouldn’t have 2 disappointing seasons in a row. Trusted By Millions roared back this year, and ran the eventual champions neck-and-neck for the first half of the season before inconsistent form saw them tail off. A last day win saw them snatch the runners-up spot away from Aardvark, however, and this 2nd place, coupled with their PCMT Cup Final appearance, is proof that Trusted are once again a force to be reckoned with.
Aardvark Abacus thus finish in 3rd place and also as top goalscorers in the league. Following a poor start, they reeled off an impressive run of form to snap up the PCMT trophy and haul themselves into contention in the league, but started too far behind and slipped out of the runners-up spot on the last day. They’re still the most successful team in WSFFL history, but their last title win was a long old 5 years ago now…
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI finished a strong-looking 4th, but always tailed the leaders at a respectable but never threatening distance. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again - a decent midfield, heck, any midfield at all, to compliment his mean defence and potent attack, would see Fred’s team take a real potential trophy-winning step forward.
San Dimas High School had a poor first half of the season, but, galvanised by the return of Dean Ashton, found better form in the second half and pushed on to a 5th place final finish. Always one of the challengers without being a real contender at present, Peej’s January acquisition of Theo Walcott shows he’s planning for the future, and could be a real title contender in, oooh, 2010!
Outgoing Champions Claymore Athletic FC finished in 6th and truth to tell, never once looked like making it 3 titles in a row. The defence was not as mean this time around, and too often Thierry Henry carried the fight on his own. However, with a potent 3-pronged strikeforce and a flurry of goalscoring midfielders already in place, Clive could challenge again next season, if they (and Arsenal) can hold on to Henry!
Despite an end-of-season fade, Jared can review his first season back with pride. Prov’s takeover of Eleven Imaginary Boys gave the former Kylie Bumcheeks a serious leg-up from their bottom slot last year, re-establishing themselves as a strong mid-table outfit, finishing 7th. Prov also invested in youth, Aaron Lennon in particular being coveted by other WSFFL managers (well, just Boston Rock then…). What happens next will be down to how Jared copes with the loss of the retiring Alan Shearer.
Rachel finished top girly manager this season, Prettier Than You having taken the expected step up from 13th place last season and emerged at the top of a congested midfield in 8th place. Craig Bellamy’s stronger goalscoring form propelled Rachel to many victories, and similar albeit sporadic form from Ameobi and Moore were bonuses. An FA Cup Final appearance was also an added bonus, providing both hope for all “smaller” teams and proof that it’s not just the “same old faces” who win everything. Rach’s ongoing quest for a regularly goalscoring midfielder needs to bear fruit to enable her to push on further.
The 22 Legged Groove Machine, perennial mid-tablers, had an awful first half of the season, finding themselves still in 15th after 16 weeks, before a strong 7 game run saw the Big Man pick up 2 MOTM awards and a respectable 9th place finishing slot. A solid outfit and a match for anyone on their day, the Groovers need a spark of inspiration in their line-up to take them forward.
A horrible mid-to-late season run of 1 win and 4 draws in 15 games saw Real Muppets slip out of the top 4 and down amongst the dead men, until an end of season mini-revival. As ever, Ryan’s strong first XI should be challenging for trophies and top four finishes. What a team with Reina, Cole, Viduka, Ronaldo etc is doing down in 10th continues to puzzle me. Maybe next year...
Paul’s Nil Satis Nisi Optimum bothered the upper mid table for a chunk of the season, before slipping back towards the end to their eventual 11th place finish. More frequent team changes to back his players in form (e.g. Zamora, left benched whilst banging them in for the Hammers mid-season) would see Nil Satis become a real threat. The talent is already there in the Nil Satis squad - use it!
The Dead Parrots have a lot to thank Marlon Harewood for, as his goals got them out of a lot of holes this season. Poor returns from established stars such as Duff and Diop saw Dean take a step backwards from last season’s 7th place to 12th. Although Dean, as ever, does well just to play the game from “Down Under”, and did have the distinction of being the only team this season to do the double over eventual champions Boston Rock!
Mega Buck Bandits made the most of a relatively thin squad and flirted with mid-table for much of the season, before slipping back to 13th on the last day. Relative bargain basement acquisitions such as Roberts, Chimbonda and McCulloch proved shrewd buys, alongside his stars Finnan and Fabregas. Mind you, if Wigan struggle next term, so could Dave, unless he buys equally shrewdly to strengthen this Summer.
Final Fantasy XI, as expected, did struggle without Andrew Johnson, slipping down 6 places from 8th to finish 14th. One of the most potent midfields in the league may need to be broken up to finance a rebuilding exercise, to enable Ceri to challenge strongly next year. Palace getting promoted in the play-offs wouldn’t hurt either (although after Saturday’s result, they need a miracle on Tuesday night)...
Pete’s shocking mid-season run of only 1 point from 14 games saw Thommo’s Titans slip to bottom spot from a challenging mid-table position, the Titans eventually finishing one off the basement. Shaun Wright-Phillips’ move to Chelsea and subsequent bench time hurt the Titans considerably, although with young players aplenty in the Titans squad (Bendtner, both W-P’s, Hoyte, Curtis Davies, Van Persie etc), they’ll be a force in the coming seasons, no messin’.
Finally, bottom club York’s Returning Glory’s Summer investment in foreign players with strange-sounding names backfired, as Julian’s team lagged behind throughout the season. A solitary plus point for Julian must have been Peter Crouch’s goalscoring form, once he settled in at Liverpool. However, a rebuilding exercise around Crouch’s lofty frame is called for in the Summer.
TRANSFER NEWS
A couple of old warhorses put out to grass…
Player From To Fee
Alan Shearer (A) Eleven Imaginary Boys Pool £3.15m
(retiring at the end of the season, therefore not eligible under the “cooling down” rule)
Dennis Bergkamp (A) Final Fantasy XI Pool £1.75m
TRANSFER NEWS (continued)
Don’t forget that the players highlighted are now subject to the pool “cooling off” period, Any managers interested in buying them can bid until close of play Saturday 13 May 2006, after which time they go into the pool proper and are readily available. All bids to me please. Although I think Dennis might be retiring as well…
THE FF£100,000 ANSWER
No question this week as it’s the last newsletter of the season, but I can give you last week’s answer. Crystal Palace and (still) Final Fantasy XI striker Andy Johnson scored more than half his club’s Premiership goals last season, bagging 21 of Palace’s 41 goals. Didn’t keep them up, though…
I got 3 correct replies this week, from Clive, Ryan and Ceri (of course). For the second time in a row, Real Muppets’ name was the first out of the hat, so the hundred grand goes to Ryan. Well done Ryan, and thanks to everyone who had a guess at a question this season. I’ll keep on trying to stump you in 2006/07!
SHORTS
Only one thing in this section this week, and that’s a message from Co-ord Central. Just wanted to say thanks to all of you, our managership, for keeping the interest going in WSFFL and continuing to play this funny old game of ours. I don’t know about you, but WSFFL has heightened my interest in and knowledge of football no end. In fact, to the point that I can’t watch a Prem team without looking out for how “my” players are doing. I share their joy when they score, I share their pain when they, like Alan Smith, get injured. And that’s all down to WSFFL.
That said, that’s another season in the books, and as your overworked Co-ordinator, I’m glad of the break. I’m now going to settle down in front on our new NASN American Sports TV subscription and watch baseball all Summer, cheer on the Boston Red Sox, and not even think about football for three months.
Hold on, what was that? World Cup? What World Cup…???!!!
WSFFL RESULTS;
Week 30, Sunday 7 May 2006
Claymore Athletic FC 5-0 Aardvark Abacus
Henry 3
Steve Watson
Friedel 39,671
The Dead Parrots 0-3 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
(1) Wes Brown
Silvestre
Babayaro 38,359
Eleven Imaginary Boys 1-0 Thommo’s Titans
Kuqi (1) 34,970
Final Fantasy XI 0-5 Real Muppets
Abdoulaye Faye
Joey O’Brien
Gary Neville
Ronaldo
Cisse 26,275
Prettier Than You 2-0 Mega Buck Bandits
Khizanishvili 2 33,820
Trusted By Millions 3-1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Barry (1) Martinez
Bramble 2 52,309
York’s Returning Glory 2-3 22 Legged Groove Machine
Gera Rosenior
Crouch Benayoun
Saha 25,731
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 7-1 San Dimas High School
Paul Robinson Scharner
Michael Gray
Rio Ferdinand
Ridgewell
Richardson
Pires
Defoe 73,006
Performance of the Week: Claymore Athletic FC
THE WSFFL FINAL LEAGUE TABLE!
| ||||||||||
Season 2005/06
| ||||||||||
Team
|
P
|
W
|
D
|
L
|
F
|
A
|
Diff
|
Pts
| ||
1
|
You Know Your Boston Rock FC
|
30
|
22
|
3
|
5
|
86
|
33
|
53
|
69
| |
2
|
Trusted By Millions
|
30
|
17
|
7
|
6
|
66
|
42
|
24
|
58
| |
3
|
Aardvark Abacus
|
30
|
17
|
6
|
7
|
88
|
47
|
41
|
57
| |
4
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
|
30
|
15
|
4
|
11
|
69
|
48
|
21
|
49
| |
5
|
San Dimas High School
|
30
|
13
|
7
|
10
|
58
|
51
|
7
|
46
| |
6
|
Claymore Athletic FC
|
30
|
12
|
9
|
9
|
65
|
48
|
17
|
45
| |
7
|
Eleven Imaginary Boys
|
30
|
12
|
6
|
12
|
40
|
49
|
-9
|
42
| |
8
|
Prettier Than You
|
30
|
12
|
5
|
13
|
48
|
49
|
-1
|
41
| |
9
|
22 Legged Groove Machine
|
30
|
12
|
4
|
14
|
36
|
65
|
-29
|
40
| |
10
|
Real Muppets
|
30
|
11
|
6
|
13
|
55
|
56
|
-1
|
39
| |
11
|
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
|
30
|
11
|
5
|
14
|
41
|
64
|
-23
|
38
| |
12
|
The Dead Parrots
|
30
|
10
|
7
|
13
|
56
|
55
|
1
|
37
| |
13
|
Mega Buck Bandits
|
30
|
9
|
9
|
12
|
36
|
43
|
-7
|
36
| |
14
|
Final Fantasy XI
|
30
|
8
|
10
|
12
|
40
|
50
|
-10
|
34
| |
15
|
Thommo's Titans
|
30
|
6
|
3
|
21
|
23
|
68
|
-45
|
21
| |
16
|
York's Returning Glory
|
30
|
3
|
9
|
18
|
27
|
66
|
-39
|
18
| |
TOTAL
|
480
|
190
|
100
|
190
|
834
|
834
|
0
|
670
| ||
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