IF GOD MEANT THE GAME TO BE PLAYED UP THERE, HE WOULD HAVE PUT THE GOALPOSTS IN THE AIR
Approaching press-time, WSFFL Co-ordinator Central was saddened to hear of the death of a true football legend, Brian Clough, who died this morning (Monday 20th) of stomach cancer, aged 69. Former Derby and Nottingham Forest boss Clough was a true legend, his achievements in the game only exceeded by his own opinion of them, and by his unfailable quotability. Football will be a lesser - and duller - place for his passing.
I HOLD ON TO BEAUTY, IF I LOSE MY GRIP I MIGHT FALL
You Know Your Boston Rock FC still top the table following this weekend’s fixtures, but boss Sheriff knows one slip could topple him off the summit and into the chasing pack. The “Sky Heroes” inflicted a nasty 5-1 defeat on Thommo’s Titans, with Stephen Carr again amongst the goals with a screamer. However Claymore Athletic FC won again, 4-0 against the Groove Machine with strikers Bent and Henry both on target, as did Trusted By Millions, 3-1 winners over Mega Bucks, and Fred West, who beat the equally fast-starting Final Fantasy XI 2-1 thanks to a Silvestre double header. Claymore, Trusted and Fred all lurk 3 points off Boston Rock’s lead, ready to capitalise on any slip-ups.
A couple of other contenders are moving into gear; San Dimas High School beat Kylie Bumcheeks 2-0 with goals from Terry and Samuel, and Aardvark Abacus are now up into the top 6 after their indifferent start, with a 3-1 win over bottom club Yorks, featuring a Nicolas Anelka double. Final Fantasy and Thommo’s slip into mid-table after their aforementioned defeats.
At the bottom, Yorks remain bottom and pointless after the defeat by the Abacus. Prettier Than You drop to one off the bottom, as they lost 3-1 to Nil Satis, Paul’s team registering their first win of the season and earning the POTW £100,000 in the process. Well done Paul!
Elsewhere, Real Muppets move into a respectable 9th place following a 1-0 win over the Dead Parrots, after Ryan Bevan-dodged in his Dwight Yorke substitute goal. Ryan called your esteemed co-ordinator at 9 on Sunday morning to check how the dodge worked. Note for future reference – that’s too damn early on a Sunday!
DEEP IN THE FOREST OF EVIL WE EMBARK ON A NEW CRUSADE
It occurred to me last week that a number of other footy publications did a Season Preview before the big kick-off, but that the WSFFL Newsletter was lacking in one! So this, conspired with a growing realisation that a number of WSFFL teams actually resemble teams from the Premiership, prompted me to write the following Season Preview for the WSFFL.
It’s only meant as a bit of fun and doesn’t really mean to offend (unless you’re Beef, of course), so please don’t take this personally. If you think I’ve got your (or anyone else’s) team comparison incorrect, please let me know who you think your team is like. Actually, I hope that some of you do disagree with my summary of your team and my prediction of your chances in the forthcoming season. To those managers, I say - go on and prove me wrong!
So, here we go… hope you enjoy it!
AARDVARK ABACUS are like MANCHESTER UNITED. The traditional dominant team in the league, Aardvark are the only team to win the title more than once. However they missed out last season and have had an indifferent start so far this season. Are they a spent force? KEY PLAYER - Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
CLAYMORE ATHETIC FC are like ARSENAL. Our Champions, Henry-powered free scoring powerhouses ready to forge a new dynasty. Off to a corking start this year too. KEY PLAYER - Thierry Henry
THE DEAD PARROTS are like BIRMINGHAM CITY. Built around a solid defence, they grind out enough results to keep in contention. Safe bet for a top half finish. KEY PLAYER - David James
FINAL FANTASY XI are like CHARLTON ATHLETIC. A new manager bringing out the full potential of a squad with limited resources. KEY PLAYER - Dennis Bergkamp
FRED WEST LANDSCAPE GARDENING XI are like LIVERPOOL. They have a first XI to match any team in the league, but constantly underachieve. They should achieve better results to match all their stars, but need them to perform all at the same time. KEY PLAYER - Didier Drogba
KYLIE BUMCHEEKS are like MANCHESTER CITY. No surprise there. Built around 2 top strikers, they are capable of scoring and conceding in equal measure. Do well or do badly, no one really knows why either way! KEY PLAYER - James Beattie
MEGA BUCK BANDITS are like SOUTHAMPTON. Built around the mercurial Fabrice Fernandes, they have some good young talent, but too thin a squad to mount a challenge. Need to rebuild. KEY PLAYER - Jonathan Stead
NIL SATIS NISI OPTIMUM are like EVERTON (pre Rooney sale). Again, no surprise there! Built around one talented youngster, they’re as likely to struggle as to challenge, and rely heavily upon veteran goalie Nigel Martyn. KEY PLAYER - Jose Antonio Reyes
PRETTIER THAN YOU are like FULHAM. They play with open attack-minded flair but are as likely to ship goals as to concede them. KEY PLAYER - Craig Bellamy
REAL MUPPETS are like ASTON VILLA. Again, like Fred, Muppets should do a whole lot better with the quality in their first XI, but can struggle for no apparent reason. KEY PLAYER - Djibril Cisse
SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL are like NEWCASTLE UNITED. Contenders rather than serious challengers, a good bet for the top 5 but can they step up to serious contention? KEY PLAYER - Yakubu Aiyegbeni
THOMMO’S TITANS are like PORTSMOUTH. A motley collection of journeymen seriously punching above their weight. Should be down among the dead men, but like a bumblebee, they defy gravity. KEY PLAYER - Shaun Wright-Phillips
TRUSTED BY MILLIONS are like CHELSEA. The new aristocracy of the league, already in the trophies; a moneybags team not afraid to spend it, with a wealth of striking talent at its disposal. My hot tip for the title. There, that’s the kiss of death on Beef! KEY PLAYER - Steven Gerrard
THE 22 LEGGED GROOVE MACHINE are like MIDDLESBROUGH. Can beat anyone quite easily on their day, but too often flatter to deceive. Need their ‘boro boys Ehiogu, Boateng and Job to do a more consistent, erm, Job for them! KEY PLAYER - Ugo Ehiogu
YORKS RETURNING GLORY are like WEST BROMWICH ALBION. Perennial strugglers but have a strong enough defence to thwart anyone. Having just invested in additional firepower up front, can they add goals to their miserly approach this season? KEY PLAYER - Andy O’Brien
YOU KNOW YOUR BOSTON ROCK FC are like TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR (this year). A core of good young English players (Defoe, King, Robinson) all coming good together, influenced by some Gallic flair. They have a good recent Cup tradition, but is this the season that the “Glory, Glory” times return in the league? KEY PLAYER - Jermain Defoe
And now the controversial bit…
MY PREDICTION FOR THE WSFFL 2004/05 FINAL LEAGUE TABLE
1 TRUSTED BY MILLIONS
2 CLAYMORE ATHLETIC FC
3 AARDVARK ABACUS
4 YOU KNOW YOUR BOSTON ROCK FC
5 SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL
6 FRED WEST LANDSCAPE GARDENING XI
7 THE 22 LEGGED GROOVE MACHINE
8 THE DEAD PARROTS
9 FINAL FANTASY XI
10 REAL MUPPETS
11 PRETTIER THAN YOU
12 KYLIE BUMCHEEKS
13 THOMMO’S TITANS
14 NIL SATIS NISI OPTIMUM
15 MEGA BUCK BANDITS
16 YORK’S RETURNING GLORY
TRANSFER NEWS
Player From To Fee
Diomansy Kamara (A) Pool York’s Returning Glory £0.5m
Andreas Jakobsson (D) Pool Final Fantasy XI £0.5m
John Curtis (D) Final Fantasy XI Pool £0.25m
Sean Gregan (M) Claymore Athletic FC Leeds United £0.5m
Lee Carsley (M) Pool Claymore Athletic FC £0.5m
Stern John (A) San Dimas High School Coventry City £1.5m
(undisclosed therefore full refund)
Don’t forget that the players highlighted are now subject to the pool “cooling off” period, Any managers interested in buying them can bid until close of play Saturday 25 September 2004, after which time they go into the pool proper and are readily available. All bids to me please.
THE FF£100,000 QUESTION
Fulham’s first pre-season friendly this Summer at Craven Cottage, against Watford, was disrupted at half-time. Why?
Answers to me by close of play Saturday 25 September 2004. As usual, first correct one out of the metaphorical hat gets the dosh.
Fiorentina famously had to withdraw their away kit during the 90’s, as it was noticed that the shoulder design on the shirt contained swastika patterns. Oops.
Correct answers from Ceri and Dean. Final Fantasy XI won the coin toss so the hundred grand goes to Ceri. Well done to her, and commiserations to Deano.
WSFFL RESULTS;
Week 5, W/E 18 September 2004
Claymore Athletic FC 4-0 22 Legged Groove Machine
Weir (1)
Henry
Mellberg
Bent 42,246
The Dead Parrots 0-1 Real Muppets
(1) Yorke 30,709
Final Fantasy XI 1-2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Andrew Johnson (1) Silvestre 2 34,078
Kylie Bumcheeks 0-2 San Dimas High School
(1) Terry
Samuel 27,400
Prettier Than You 1-3 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
O’Shea (OG) Martyn
Kanu
Hibbert 24,128
Trusted By Millions 3-1 Mega Buck Bandits
Andrew Cole (1) Pedersen
Michael Gray
Barry 37,010
York’s Returning Glory 1-3 Aardvark Abacus
Young (1) Anelka 2
Carvalho 25,052
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 5-1 Thommo’s Titans
Paul Robinson Anders Svensson
Ferreira
Pires
Carr
Delaney 67,857
Performance of the Week: Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
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