REELING WITH THE FEELING, DON’T STOP, CONTINUE
Can you all please let me know by return of e-mail whether you want to continue as a WSFFL Manager next season? I’ve got interest in taking over vacant teams which may arise this Summer, so if any of you want to call it a day, I want to be as fair as possible to prospective new managers by giving them the Summer to learn the rules and bone up on this great game of ours. So let me know your intentions by return of e-mail, all of you!
PAY, PAY TO PLAY
Also, on an adminny trip, there are still 5 managers who haven’t paid their subs for this season. Needless to say, I’m soon off to get trophies engraved and plaques done, and I need the cash right now. So, Messrs. Watts, Smith, Saleh, Mercer and Perfitt, please get your tenners to me ASAP. Posted cheques are good; you should all know my address by now.
NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
Could you also all please let me know whether you wish to retain the relegated players in your squad (i.e. players from Derby County, Ipswich Town and Leicester City), plus any retained players which you already have (there’s not too many of those around now; Carbone of Fred West, Stimac of Short Straw and Fleming of Viola’s leap to mind), into next season?
As before, I’ll keep a list of the players who are relegated and “not required” and if any of them are signed by other Premiership clubs up to the start of next season, the manager who previously owned them will get first refusal on buying them back for the compensation received. F’rinstance, Rachel might decide she doesn’t want to keep her Ipswich midfielder Finidi George, so she’ll get half her outlay of £500K, i.e. £250K back in compensation. If before the start of the season he’s signed by, say, Manchester City, then I’ll offer him back to her. If she wants him, she pays £250K for him and gets him back in her squad at his former valuation of £500K. All clear?
Right. I’m not chasing managers up on this one, as you should all know your squads and which players you want to keep. If I don’t hear otherwise from you by the end of May, I will assume you DO NOT want to keep your relegated and retained players, and will instead compensate you the cash. OK?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE TRAMPLING ME
Well, the big tussle to avoid finishing bottom was lost by none other than York’s Returning Glory. After an Ipswich –like revival towards the end of the season, they suffered an equally Tractor Boys-esque collapse in the final furlong, and got whacked 5-1 by champions Aardvark Abacus this weekend to sink to the bottom. Nil Satis lifted themselves above York’s in a last gasp effort, with a battling 0-0 draw against the 22 Legged Groove Machine. So York’s finish on 23 points, but neither Nil Satis nor Viola’s or Short Straw, all of whom finished on 24 points, will be out on an open-top bus to celebrate this season, I’d wager.
And without wishing to cast aspersions on anyone, I think it’s a valid point to note that the managers of the 4 teams who battled it out for the wooden spoon are the 4 least active managers in the whole WSFFL. I guess this shows that the more you put into this great game of ours, the more you get out of it. So play, people, play!!!
Anyway, Aardvark’s win ultimately gave them a 10-point win over Real Muppets, who were utterly tonked 7-0 in a last-day massacre by Trusted By Millions, Cole and Owen amongst the scorers with Beef not only winning the Performance of the Week £100,000, but also serving serious intent for next season. San Dimas finished on winning ways with a 4-0 win over Viola’s to secure third slot, and Kylie beat the other wooden spoon contender, Short Straw, 2-0 to finish 5th in a fine sophomore season.
Talking of great second season efforts, Prettier Than You beat one-time leaders Claymore 3-2 with goals from Keily, Crouch and England squadman Vassell to finish an excellent 6th, and condemn Claymore to a disappointing 7th place finish. Not bad for the team that finished 17th last season!! Elsewhere, Boston Rock and Mega Buck Bandits finish on winning ways; Steve Watson getting the late winner on his second debut for the Sky Heroes who beat Fred 1-0, and Teddy Sheringham scoring the winner for the Bandits over Elland Road to keep them above Dean’s down-under boys.
WHEN I’M CLEANING WINDOWS
“Following on from Jared’s Stan Collymore funny (& it was funny & has gone down a treat over here), can I share this amusing TV “gaff” last Sat/Sun after the Cup Final.
Picture the scene: I’d been out with the wife, nice meal & sank 4 pints of Stella, got home about 23:00, just in time to watch the Cup Final. Game’s played, Arsenal win 2-0. At this point while the panel were closing the show after discussing all the highlights, I had one of those moments when I thought “did I just hear right”??? - Maybe it was the beer kicking my brain into “put me to sleep” mode, but NO, I did hear right, as confirmed in Melbourne's main tabloid TV Gossip page on Tuesday. Les Murray, an ageing Scottish host of most of the footie shows here, wound the show up with “And as for Arsenal, today’s cup final victory could have come from a chapter of (wait for it......) GEORGE FORMBY’S book “Fever Pitch” (old Les showing his age). Obviously Formby was a ukulele-plucking vaudeville star of post-war Britain. The problem I had, was at the time did I hear him correct & when I’d read it on Tuesday in the paper, I pissed myself.”
TRANSFER NEWS
San Dimas High School has a pre-end of season clearout, including releasing long-time captain Tony Adams. Explaining his decisions, the WSFFL FA Cup Winner said “I sat down with Tony and we decided it was in the best interests of Tony and San Dimas High School that he leaves the club with immediate effect. All at San Dimas High School wish Tony all the best with whatever he chooses to do in his future career provided he doesn’t sign for anybody else and score against us. And Patrick Mboma can go to the pool because he has sucked!”
Player From To Fee
Jorge Costa (D) San Dimas High School Charlton Athletic FC £1,000,000
Tony Adams (D) San Dimas High School Arsenal £1,850,000
Patrick Mboma (A) San Dimas High School Sunderland £950,000
Don’t forget that the players highlighted are subject to the pool “cooling off” period. Any managers interested in buying them can bid until 8 p.m. on Monday 20 May 2002, after which time they go into the pool proper and are readily available.
THE FF£100,000 QUESTION
There isn’t one this week, as this is the last newsletter of the year. But I can tell you the answer to last week’s; Peter Knowles, who was apparently a very gifted winger, left Wolves in 1969 to become a Jehovah’s Witness. It appeared Wolves held out hopes that he’d return, but they cancelled his registration in 1982 because after 13 years they just had to concede that they’d lost him to a higher power. And not Man United this time!
Only one correct answer, from Ryan, so the £200,000 went to the double league runners-up (yup, they were second to Trusted last year) Real Muppets.
Dean (who provided me with the fact that Billy Bragg so say wrote the song “God's Footballer” about Peter Knowles) also got this right, but too late! Sorry bucko.
SHORTS
A couple of Everton-related recats: Boston Rock’s Steve Watson is now a defender and Claymore Athletic FC’s David Unsworth is now a midfielder…
THE SUN IS OUT AND I WANT SOME
Well, I don’t know about that really, but this is the last Newsletter of the 2001/02 Season, as we head into a World Cup Summer. So let’s just say COME ON ENGLAND!
A couple of things before I close up WSFFL Co-ord Central for a Summer break (during which we’re off to, surprise surprise, Boston); congrats to Ady Bevan, Paul Garratt and Rich Smith for winning the League, FA Cup and PCMT Trophy respectively; particular thanks to my recat guru, Mr. Peej, and thanks to y’all for playing. I’ll be in touch over the Summer to inform you of the plans for the AGM, so watch your inboxes.
And talking about the AGM, if any of you want to put any rule change proposals to me for consideration at the AGM, please do so. However, I’ll be assessing rule changes with the following criteria;
1. Will it make the game more fun?
2. Will it save me (your overworked co-ordinator) more time?
If the answer is “no” to either of those, don’t bother putting them in, guys.
Until next season, have a good one!
WSFFL RESULTS
Week 30, W/E 11 May 2002
Aardvark Abacus 5-1 York’s Returning Glory
Harte (1) Radzinski
Blanc
Riise 2
Gudjonsson 47,989
Trusted By Millions 7-0 Real Muppets
Carragher (1)
Andrew Cole 2
Matteo
Johansson
Owen
Djorkaeff 67,571
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1-0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Watson (1) 40,709
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0-0 22 Legged Groove Machine
31,973
Viola’s Pier 0-4 San Dimas High School
Ouaddou
Svensson
Bergkamp
Doherty 40,218
Claymore Athletic FC 2-3 Prettier Than You
Henry 2 Keily
Crouch
Vassell 44,088
Mega Buck Bandits 2-1 Elland Road Big Boys
Henchoz (1) Duff
Sheringham 35,546
Short Straw Rovers 0-2 Kylie Bumcheeks
(1) Kelly
Beattie 38,254
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