HE’S SIMPLE, HE’S DUMB, HE’S THE SHERIFF
Apologies for promising this newsletter for Tuesday and not getting it out until Thursday evening. Truth to tell, my luddite bent has conquered yet again. Clive’s sent me lots of info in lots of different formats, and I’ve tried to keep it all on one document, thus avoiding the zip/unzip issues a number of managers flagged up to me last time. However, it seems that my wizzy jolly new PC, with its’ no doubt super-advanced Windows ME Edition, does not have the Cut and Paste Special option, which Ryan kindly advised was the neatest way to copy info between formats. Neither, unfortunately, can I save a Works Spreadsheet (which I have for Excel) document onto a Formatted Text (Space Delimited) file type, which Clive suggested.
Suffice it to say it’s been a real labour of love putting this one together, so sorry it’s late and that it might look a little different (particularly the League Table). If anyone has any suggestions about an easier way to cut and paste between applications in Windows ME, believe me I’d be overjoyed to hear them. Anyway, on with the show…
JUST LIKE THE CLAYMORE FLYING FREE
I’ve been itching to use that lyric for ages! Clive’s Claymore Athletic have finally justified the pre-season hype and now top the table, thanks to their 5th straight win, this time a 4-0 crushing of hapless Pacer’s Pacesetters. It really was Clive’s week, as rivals Mega Buck Bandits were held to a 2-2 draw by improving Prettier Than You, and former table-toppers Willy Shakey were beaten 3-1 by Elland Road Big Boys, a result which earns our antipodean friend Dean the TOTW £100K (or Aussie $270K, if you prefer…). Well done, cobber.
Trusted By Millions move back into contention thanks to a frightening 5-1 win at Woodchester Rovers, James Beattie’s early candidate for goal of the season proving to be just a consolation in this game. Aardvark Abacus continue to flatter to deceive, their 1-1 draw with York’s Returning Glory lifting them to 8th place only by virtue of Boston Rock’s continued slump, Nil Satis being this week’s beneficiaries of the Beantown youngsters’ poor form. D’oh!
At the bottom, Pacers are cut adrift with what must be an all-time low points total for this time of the season – still just 3. And we’re still waiting for the Groove Machine’s title challenge to kick into gear – a 1-1 draw with local rivals Donkey Derby was he best the Big Man could manage this week.
SO THEY TRAVELLED FROM THE BERKSHIRES, AND THEY CAME FROM PLYMOUTH ROCK
Aha! After my pestering the Clivster to organise a WSFFL Social Evening, to get all you good good people together under one roof to indulge in food, drink, general making merry, and joining together in entertaining discourse about the wonderful and entertaining game which bonds us all together (all together now- Hrrreeugghhh!!!!!), he’s gone and organised one!
So, the first WSFFL Fantasy Social Evening of the 2000/2001 Season (and hopefully not the last) will be on Monday 11 December 2000 at the Allied Dunbar Social Club. Kick of 7.30. Hope to see y’all there!
I KNOW THERE’S A MEMORY HERE, SOMEWHERE MAYBE
Duh! After a fair amount of recent discussion amongst managers (normally starting with “whatever’s happened to..”), we finally kick off the Fantasy League Cup this week! Seems like the old boy just forgot about it!
Anyway, the Preliminary Round is this weekend, and doubles up with the normal League Games. The fixtures for the Preliminary Round are between the teams who finished 15th to 18th last season, and are;
Viola’s Pier vs Prettier Than You
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum vs York’s Returning Glory
Good luck to all participants in the League Cup, unless they’re playing Boston Rock. I like having a nice shiny pot on my record cabinet!
KAYLEIGH, IS IT TOO LATE TO SAY I’M SORRY? (!!!)
In a music genre change exceeded only by that stupid slapper from Theaudience going all trancy dancy with Spiller’s Groovy Jet Dog Food, Fish has joined the Boston Rock massive!
No, it’s not really Mr. Dick, the former Marillion front man and professional Scotsman, signing up for some life-affirming guitar rock. If only! Instead, after a weekend of frantic e-mails and phone messages slathered copiously with piscine-related puns (and bad ones at that), Boston Rock have moved to shore up their quite frankly gushing defence by paying Bolton Wanderers a whopping £2.3 million for South African International defender Mark Fish, outbidding Beef’s Trusted squad (sorry mate, wrong food group) into the process. Yup, that’s cost me more per lb than caviar, I know…
OTHER TRANSFER NEWS
Other recent transfer deals are as follows;
Player From To Fee
Ysrael Zuniga Claymore Athletic Coventry City £250,000
Idan Tal Maccabi Petah Tikva Claymore Athletic £500,000
(can I have a side order of pitta
and a tiger beer with mine, please?)
Igors Stepanovs Skonto Riga Real Muppets £500,000
Paul Butler Boston Rock Sunderland £250,000
Tahar El Khalej Boston Rock Prettier Than You £400,000
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
Okay, here’s this week’s brain basher;
Pacers Pacesetters’ Welsh star midfielder Ryan Giggs actually represented England at Schoolboy Football level. Under what name?
One entry per person again, to me on phone number 01793 495101 (home) or e-mail Swindonsheriff@aol.com, by close of play on Monday 20th November.
The bad lad who set off the Balkan conflict was none other than AC Milan and Croatia’s mercurial playmaker Zvonomir Boban, then representing the pride of Croatia, Dynamo Zagreb. His knee to the face of a Serb policeman (Fact! I’ve got the picture to prove it!) who was allegedly attacking a young Zagreb fan, not only put Cantona to shame, but became the focus of already heightened racial tensions in the troubled region. Told you it was a good one.
No one got it! No one even guessed! Disappointed with that, guys. Anyway, his means that this week’s (considerably easier) question is a rollover! FF£150,000 up for grabs!
SHORTS
Ah! After my rant in the last Newsletter, Clive now informs me that Gilles Grimandi was recategorised as a midfielder back in early October. Nice one, Cliv; let me moan on and make me look like a (Derek) Dick, why don’t you?… Couple of look-alikes for you – Prettier Than You boss Rachel reckons her on-loan midfielder Olivier Dacourt resembles Yoda from Star Wars, and Peej reckons Nil Satis’ Abel Xavier is a dead ringer for Bigfoot from “Bigfoot and the Hendersons”. Any more out there?…
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/E of 11 November 2000 - Week 12
Donkey Derby County
|
1
|
Vs
|
1
|
The 22 Legged Groove Machine
| |||
A Gunnlaugsson
|
Poyet
|
21,406
| |||||
Mega Buck Bandits
|
2
|
Vs
|
2
|
Prettier than You
| |||
T Sheringham
P Holland
|
G Naysmith (2)
|
45,064
| |||||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
0
|
Vs
|
4
|
Claymore Athletic FC
| |||
P Di Canio (pen)
D Unsworth
D Weir
P Gerrard
|
26,022
| ||||||
Short Straw Rovers
|
4
|
Vs
|
0
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
| |||
E Heskey (2)
M Stewart
A Wright
|
43,701
| ||||||
Viola's Pier
|
2
|
Vs
|
2
|
Real Muppets
| |||
N Quinn
G McAllister
|
M Viduka
G Southgate
|
33,608
| |||||
Willy Shakey
|
1
|
Vs
|
3
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
T Sinclair
|
C Powell
M Venus
L Dixon
|
67,576
| |||||
Woodchester Rovers
|
1
|
Vs
|
5
|
Trusted by Millions
| |||
J Beattie
|
I Taylor (2)
G Barry
H Hreidarsson
D Hutchison
|
37,679
| |||||
York's Returning Glory
|
1
|
Vs
|
1
|
Aardvark Abacus
| |||
G Speed
|
Silvinho
|
22,263
| |||||
You know your Boston Rock FC
|
0
|
Vs
|
3
|
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
| |||
Alpay
O Luzhny
R Wright
|
35,121
| ||||||
FANTASY FOOTBALL
WEST SWINDON LEAGUE
LEAGUE TABLE
As at 13 November 2000
Team P W D L F A Diff Pts
1 Claymore Athletic FC 12 9 1 2 35 15 20 28
2 Willy Shakey 12 9 0 3 21 10 11 27
3 Mega Buck Bandits 12 8 2 2 26 19 7 26
4 Trusted by Millions 12 8 0 4 29 21 8 24
5 Real Muppets 12 7 3 2 28 20 8 24
6 Short Straw Rovers 12 7 2 3 24 11 13 23
7 Fred West Landscape 12 7 0 5 16 18 -2 21
Gardening XI
8 Aardvark Abacus 12 5 4 3 26 16 10 19
9 You Know Your 12 6 1 5 21 27 -6 19
Boston Rock FC
10 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 12 5 2 5 20 15 5 17
11 Elland Road Big Boys 12 5 0 7 18 16 2 15
12 Woodchester Rovers 12 5 0 7 21 25 -4 15
13 22 Legged Groove 12 4 1 7 20 22 -2 13
Machine
14 Prettier Than You 12 3 2 7 15 28 -13 11
15 Viola's Pier 12 3 1 8 10 17 -7 10
16 Donkey Derby County 12 3 1 8 9 20 -11 10
17 York's Returning Glory 12 2 2 8 10 25 -15 8
18 Pacer's Pacesetters 12 1 0 11 12 36 -24 3
Totals 216 97 22 97 361 361 0 313
TOP GOALSCORERS - As at 13 November 2000
Name Team Total (League Goals only –no Cups yet)
JF Hasselbaink Aardvark Abacus 10
T Sheringham Mega Buck Bandits 10
M Viduka Real Muppets 8
E Heskey Short Straw Rovers 8
M Stewart Short Straw Rovers 7
M Owen Trusted By Millions 7
T Henry Claymore Athletic FC 6
A Cole Pacers Pacesetters 6
A Smith You know your Boston Rock FC 6
Silvinho Aardvark Abacus 5
D Unsworth Claymore Athletic FC 5
P Di Canio Claymore Athletic FC 5
C Powell Elland Road Big Boys 5
D Beckham Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 5
A Boksic Real Muppets 5
A Shearer Woodchester Rovers 5
G Stuart Claymore Athletic FC 4
P Neville Mega Buck Bandits 4
A Hunt Willy Shakey 4
S Hyypia Woodchester Rovers 4
C Riggott 22 Legged Groove Machine 3
G Zola Donkey Derby County 3
L Dixon Elland Road Big Boys 3
M Venus Elland Road Big Boys 3
M Silvestre Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 3
J Johansson Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 3
S Rebrov Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 3
D Kiely Prettier Than You 3
R Johnsen Prettier Than You 3
A Cole Real Muppets 3
P Merson Real Muppets 3
J Arca Short Straw Rovers 3
A Wright Short Straw Rovers 3
G Taggart Trusted By Millions 3
K Phillips Trusted By Millions 3
R Rufus Trusted By Millions 3
G Barry Trusted By Millions 3
I Taylor Trusted By Millions 3
C Ziege Willy Shakey 3
M Elliott Willy Shakey 3
P Scholes York's Returning Glory 3
F Jeffers You know your Boston Rock FC 3
L Bowyer You know your Boston Rock FC 3
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