2000/2001 - Newsletter 7 (4 November 2000)

I’VE BEEN AWAY TOO LONG AND I’M WONDERING WHY

Well, this issue marks the return of the West Swindon Fantasy League Newsletter, after a much longer than expected hibernation period. No sooner had I gotten my new PC delivered, than I jetted off to Boston for a scouting trip for new talent (and some old talent as well – Evan Dando’s solo show in Harvard was magnificent). So, sorry for the delay, and I hope this issue will bring everyone up to date.

I’M THE WIZARD OF AUS, AND I’VE GOT IT ALL PLANNED

A four-star performance by Mark Viduka in Real Muppets 5-1 thrashing of Boston Rock moves Ryan into serious contention at the top. Above the Muppets, the season-long Mega Buck/ Willy Shakey squabble for supremacy is now joined by a resurgent Claymore Athletic, 4 wins on the bounce moving Clive (my pre-season tip for top honours, remember!) into 2^nd. The Shake-meisters top the table by 2 points, thanks to a 2–0 win at Donkey Derby, and Woodchester’s 5-0 thrashing of Mega Bucks. Moving in the opposite direction to Clive, however, is the Boston Rock Underachievers club, who have shipped 15 goals in the last 3 games and are the highest placed team (in 8^th) with a minus goal difference. Ouch.

Elsewhere, the run is finally broken, as an Andrew Cole goal finally gets Pacers Pacesetters their first points of the season! Viola’s Pier are the red-faced recipients of a 1-0 beating, so congratulations to Mr. Ballard.

TRY TO LOOK IMPRESSED, NOT VERY CONVINCING

Since the last newsletter, the TOTW hundred grand awards have gone to;

Week 8 – Short Straw Rovers for doing their goal difference no end of good, with a 6-0 tonking of poor Prettier Than You, including an Emile Heskey hat-trick. And I told Rachel she didn’t have anything to worry about when playing Andrew, as Heskey couldn’t hit a bull’s backside with a banjo. Famous last words…

Week 9 – Elland Road Big Boys for cruelly taking advantage of Boston Rock FC while their manager was out of the country, and mugging them 5-0. Yes Dean, I know you’re permanently out of the country, but that’s where you live. I understand Dean also mentioned something about “revenge” for last year’s cup final defeat. Fair enough mate, but the nice shiny cup is still on display in my living room, so nyaah!

Week 10 – Fred West Landscape Gardening XI, for knocking Willy Shakey off the top with an impressive 2-1 win. Fred’s been sneaking quietly up the table, and is right now sizing up the managers of the top teams to see how they’d fit under the patio.

Week 11 (this week) – Woodchester Rovers for thrashing league leaders Mega Buck Bandits 5-0. An impressive result, sure, but for me this week’s hundred grand should’ve gone to Pacers Pacesetters or their first win of the season.

WHETHER A PROFIT OR A LOSS, I’M JUST WORKING FOR THE BOSS

Manager of the month awards for September and October go to Real Muppets and Short Straw Rovers respectively. These teams had the best records over these months, and therefore line their pockets to the tune of £250K each. Well done to Ryan and Andrew.

TRANSFER UPDATE

Finally! Clive has fessed up with the info. Unfortunately there are a few too many transfers to tell you about in the guts of the newsletter, and I seem not to be able to find my cut and paste special function on my wizzy new Word 2000. So I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with a supplement. Same goes for the league table. Sorry guys.

THE FF£75,000 QUESTION

After a long absence, the big question returns. So get your thinking caps around this intriguing little puzzler;

Whose attack on a policeman, at the end of a Dynamo Zagreb vs Red Star Belgrade league game, was reportedly the catalyst for the Balkan conflict in the early 90s?

It’s someone I guarantee at least 90% of you have heard of, so give us an educated guess. One entry per person again, to me on phone number 01793 495101 (home) or e-mail  by close of play on Monday 13^th November. Still no new work details yet. Gizza job, someone!

Fred Davies, the “man in the coracle” outside Shrewsbury Town’s ground, used to get paid five shillings, or 25p, per ball retrieved from the Severn on match days. No wonder he retired. MC won the ackers for this, with an inspired guess absolutely on the button. £75,000 therefore goes to Mega Buck Bandits. Spawny get.

SHORTS

The Re-Cat monster strikes again! Nil Satis’ Abel Xavier is now a defender, and York’s Returning Glory’s Darren Williams is now a midfielder… Come to think of it, how has Elland Road’s Gilles Grimandi escaped the re-cat monster? Every time I’ve seen him play for Arsenal on MOTD or Sky, he’s been in midfield!!… I know I mentioned this some time ago but it appeared to fall on stony ground then. So I’ll mention it again; come on Clive, how about a WSFFL Social Evening?…

LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01

W/E of 14 October 2000 - Week 8

Claymore Athletic FC		2	Vs	0	Elland Road Big Boys
	P Di Canio L Dixon						31,436
Mega Buck Bandits		2	Vs	1	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
	T Sheringham (2)					M Silvestre	45,078
Short Straw Rovers		6	Vs	0	Prettier than You
	E Heskey (3) M Stewart J Dodd J Arca						30,532
Trusted by Millions		3	Vs	2	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
	K Phillips (pen) J Aloisi J Eustace					S Rebrov S Howey	38,042
22 Legged Groove Machine		1	Vs	2	Real Muppets
	C Jensen					M Viduka (2)	29,491
Viola's Pier		0	Vs	2	Aardvark Abacus
						Silvinho M Babbel	22,243
Willy Shakey		4	Vs	1	York's Returning Glory
	A Haaland (2) T Adams C Ziege					B Deane	38,837
Woodchester Rovers		3	Vs	0	Donkey Derby County
	A Shearer K Dyer S Hyypia						22,132
You know your Boston Rock FC		1	Vs	0	Pacer's Pacesetters
	A Smith						34,229

Team of the Week: Short Straw Rovers

LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01

W/E of 21 October 2000 - Week 9

Aardvark Abacus		5	Vs	1	Trusted by Millions
	JF Hasselbaink (4) D Yorke					G Barry
Claymore Athletic FC		3	Vs	0	York's Returning Glory
	D Weir D Unsworth S Carr
Donkey Derby County		1	Vs	2	Short Straw Rovers
	G Zola					E Heskey J Arca
Elland Road Big Boys		5	Vs	0	You know your Boston Rock FC
	P Dickov R Ferdinand (og) C Tiler C Powell M Venus
Fred West Landscape Gardening		3	Vs	0	Woodchester Rovers
	D Beckham M Silvestre A Ferrer
Pacer's Pacesetters		1	Vs	5	Mega Buck Bandits
	S Pearce					O Leonhardsen (2) J Clapham (2) P Neville
Prettier than You		2	Vs	1	Viola's Pier
	R Johnsen D Kiely					C Roussell
Real Muppets		0	Vs	2	Willy Shakey
						D Tiatto C Ziege
22 Legged Groove Machine		1	Vs	3	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
	C Riggott					R Pires R Dunne S Howey

Team of the Week: Elland Road Big Boys

LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01

W/E of 28 October 2000 - Week 10

Donkey Derby County		2	Vs	1	Elland Road Big Boys
	D Bergkamp G Zola					M Venus
Pacer's Pacesetters		2	Vs	5	22 Legged Groove Machine
	Andrew Cole (2)					M Izzet N Barmby M Gray E Thome M Melchiot
Real Muppets		4	Vs	4	Aardvark Abacus
	Ashley Cole (2) P Merson M Viduka					JF Hasselbaink (2) (1 pen) P Berger (pen) D Dublin (og)
Short Straw Rovers		2	Vs	1	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
	E Heskey J Arca					S Wiltord
Trusted by Millions		1	Vs	2	Claymore Athletic FC
	I Taylor					T Henry (2)
Willy Shakey		1	Vs	2	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
	F Kanoute					A Ferrer C Babayaro
Woodchester Rovers		0	Vs	1	Viola's Pier
						D Irwin
York's Returning Glory		1	Vs	1	Prettier than You
	D Williams					S Collymore
You know your Boston Rock FC		0	Vs	5	Mega Buck Bandits
						T Sheringham (3) F Leboeuf P Neville

Team of the Week: Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01

W/E of 4 November 2000 - Week 11

Aardvark Abacus		1	Vs	1	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
	V Smicer					J Johansson
Claymore Athletic FC		3	Vs	1	Short Straw Rovers
	T Henry (pen) G Stuart D Unsworth					M Stewart
Donkey Derby County		0	Vs	2	Willy Shakey
						C Ziege M Elliott
Elland Road Big Boys		2	Vs	0	Prettier than You
	L Dixon C Powell
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI		2	Vs	4	Trusted by Millions
	D Beckham D Wise					D Hutchison G Taggart R Rufus G Barry
Mega Buck Bandits		0	Vs	5	Woodchester Rovers
						A Shearer (2) (1 pen) R Savage S Hyypia C Davison
Pacer's Pacesetters		1	Vs	0	Viola's Pier
	A Cole
Real Muppets		5	Vs	1	You know your Boston Rock FC
	M Viduka (4) P Merson					S Watson
The 22 Legged Groove Machine		3	Vs	0	York's Returning Glory
	G Poyet M Poom C Riggott

Team of the Week: Woodchester Rovers