WE HAVE THESE FANCY “SPANK ME” PARTIES
After the opening day disaster, Prettier Than You come roaring back with a vengeance and spank Kylie’s Bumcheeks good and proper. Goals from Craig Bellamy and Darius Vassell contribute to Rachel going “nap” against Rich Smith’s Kylie team, winning 5-0 and gaining the Performance of the Week £100,000 in the process. So well done Rachel.
At the top, San Dimas High School keep their early lead with a 2-1 win over Elland Road, who have yet to show the form this season that made them an unlikely championship challenger last term. Goals from the “goat”, Christian Ziege, and Michael Ricketts (now do you believe me when I say Ricketts is going to be this year’s Marcus Stewart?) secure the win for Peej. Also keeping their 100% records are Claymore Athletic, 4-1 winners over Short Straw thanks to Gerrard, Weir, Unsworth and Henry, and also the 22 Legged Groove Machine, whose 1-0 win over stuttering Real Muppets was thanks to defender Chris Riggott, with Rich’s goal machine Luis Saha kept quiet for once.
Elsewhere, Aardvark beat Boston Rock 2-0 to keep their unbeaten record, and Champions Trusted by Millions move ominously into gear with a comfortable 3-1 win over Nil Satis, who along with Viola’s Pier and the Big Boys, have yet to get off the mark this season. But it’s still early days yet, isn’t it? Isn’t it??
ALL AROUND THE WORLD I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE NEW
I’ve rather surprisingly had a couple of managers asking to clarify the ruling on new Premiership players, and how they can bid for them in Fantasy League. The rule on new players purchased by Premiership teams is still the 48 hour rule, i.e. you’ve got 48 hours after the player makes his first team debut for his club (inc. on the bench), to get one sealed bid to me, after which point he goes to the highest bidder. If no bids are received within 48 hours, the player goes into the pool and is available on a first come, first served basis.
It’s also important to note that I don’t tell you guys when a player is available under the 48 hour rule. If you’re interested in a new player, it’s up to you to read your papers, check Soccernet or whatever, for when he makes his debut, then put in a bid to me.
For players coming “through the ranks” at Premiership clubs, they’re readily available from the pool on a first come, first served basis. So you take the chance when buying a young player from the pool; will he be the next David Beckham, or the next Russell Beardsmore?
I MET A GIRL, SHE'S CALLED LOLA, SHE COMES FROM A COUNTRY CALLED ANGOLA
Prettier Than You are becoming increasingly exotic with their recent acquisitions. Having recently added Cameroon forward Joseph Desire-Job to a squad which already featured Moroccan defender Tahar El-Khalej, Rachel has now also added Job’s compatriot Rigobert Song (on loan from Boston Rock) and Nigerian midfielder Finidi George to complete a quartet of African internationals. I dunno, next thing you know, she’ll be wanting to take me on safari to look for warthogs or something...
I WANT THE ONE I CAN'T HAVE, AND IT’S DRIVING ME MAD
Those of you who know me well will know I’m a bit of a statto on the quiet (oh alright, Big Man, so maybe not so quiet...). Anyway, such is my love for compiling lists and stats, that I was gutted to recall I didn’t organise a WSFFL Player of the Year at the recent AGM. D’oh!
But I had a better idea instead. Instead of Player of the Year, I’d like to find the most coveted player in the WSFFL Fantasy League. Who’s the “Man Most Wanted” out there? So could you all let me know which 3 current WSFFL players, in order of preference, you would love to add to your squad if they were available and money was no object (don’t vote for your own players, obviously, as you’ve already got ‘em!). I’ll start with my own 3 most coveted players who I’d like to see line up in Boston Rock’s shirts, to get the ball rolling; 1. Ashley Cole, 2. Ian Harte, 3. Michael Owen. So what’s yours?
TRANSFER NEWS
Prettier Than You take immediate team-strengthening action following their opening-day horrorshow, which pays immediate dividends on the pitch. Also, Boston Rock spend big on a goalie. Well, it is the most important position on the pitch, you know…
Player From To Fee
Matteo Sereni Sampdoria (48 hr) YKY Boston Rock FC £7,700,000
Rigobert Song YKY Boston Rock FC Prettier Than You Loan
Tommy Wright Elland Road Big Boys Pool £250,000
Jacob Burns Elland Road Big Boys Pool £250,000
Patrice Carteron Elland Road Big Boys Released £250,000
Paul Warhurst Pool Elland Road Big Boys £500,000
Robbie Stockdale Prettier Than You Pool £250,000
Finidi George Pool Prettier Than You £500,000
Vegard Heggem Pool Elland Road Big Boys £500,000
Michael Ball Nil Satis Nisi Optimum Glasgow Rangers £6,500,000
(more transfers overleaf)
Player From To Fee
Kasey Keller Pool Elland Road Big Boys £500,000
Stanislav Varga Claymore Athletic FC Pool £3,000,000
John Curtis Pool Claymore Athletic FC £500,000
George McCartney Pool Claymore Athletic FC £500,000
Radostin Kisischev Elland Road Big Boys Pool £750,000
Simon Charlton Pool Elland Road Big Boys £500,000
Don’t forget that the players highlighted are subject to the pool “cooling off” period. Any managers interested in buying them can bid until 8 p.m. on Monday 3 September, after which time they go into the pool proper and are readily available.
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
A question about Johann Cruyff’s lad Jordi, late of Claymore Athletic, Boston Rock and a number of other WSFFL teams, and terror of Liverpool’s defence in last year’s UEFA Cup Final.
Why is Jordi Cruyff called Jordi Cruyff?
It’s not a trick question, so don’t answer “because his mummy says so”! One entry per person as usual please, to me by close of play on Sunday 2 September.
The world-renowned musician who died from a football related injury was none other than the Lion of Zion, Bob Marley, the legendary reggae artist. Bob originally wrenched a toenail off playing football, and when it refused to heal a specialist detected cancer cells in the wound. Bob’s Rastafarian faith would not allow him to have the toe amputated (his exact words were, “I and I don’t allow a mon to be dismantled!”), but the cancer then spread to his brain, lungs and stomach, eventually seeing him off on 11 May 1981, some 4 years after that fateful game of football.
A salutary lesson for us all. So Ady, get your knee seen to, for fuck’s sake!
Well done to the Big Man for being the only manager to guess this one right, so the £75,000 goes to “Rankin’ Rich” Timms to swell the coffers of the Groove Machine.
WSFFL RESULTS; Week 2, W/E 25 August 2001
Prettier Than You 5-0 Kylie Bumcheeks
Melville (1)
Goma
Song
Bellamy
Vassell 31,107
San Dimas High School 2-1 Elland Road Big Boys
Ziege (2) Duff
Ricketts 52,021
Real Muppets 0-1 22 Legged Groove Machine
(1) Riggott 32,829
York’s Returning Glory 0-1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
(3) Ljungberg 24,992
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 0-2 Aardvark Abacus
(2) Campbell
Hasselbaink 37,909
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1-3 Trusted By Millions
Gemmill Phillips
Rufus
Alpay (OG) 22,804
Mega Buck Bandits 1-0 Viola’s Pier
Stubbs (2) 24,517
Short Straw Rovers 1-4 Claymore Athletic FC
Heskey Gerrard
Weir
Unsworth
Henry 42,632
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