LOCKED IN HEATED BATTLE FOR THE CURE THAT IS THE PRIZE
Following the recent midweek and weekend fixtures, reigning champions Mega Buck Bandits and former champs Willy Shakey are still neck and neck at the top of the table with 100% records. I dunno, just how is MC so successful?!!? Champs last season, with the bleeding donkey duet of Sheringham and Armstrong upfront, f’rchrissakes, he’s started like a shot again this year! Elsewhere, Boston Rock lose their 100% record and drop to third, thanks to a late equaliser from Claymore Athletic’s Laurent Charvet, after “on fire” Francis Jeffers’ double. So D’oh! to that..
At the bottom, the luckless Prettier Than You still await their first point. Rachel’s team’s problem isn’t scoring goals (5, with numerous clean sheets as well, in the 4 games to date) but conceding too many. They avoid sinking to the bottom, however, as Pacers Pacesetters assume the position (ooer missus) following defeats by Fred West and Woodchester. Elland Road Big boys are also yet to get off the mark, Come on cobber, sort it out!
The two TOTW hundred grand awards go to Nil Satis and The Groove Machine respectively. Nil Satis moved into contention at the top and gave the previously unbeaten Viola’s Pier a 4-1 midweek tupping, thanks to a double from big money signing Sergei Rebrov. At the weekend, The Groove Machine got their first points thanks to a 3-0 away win at fast starting Viola’s Pier.
IF I COULD MAKE A LIST OF MY MISTAKES AND REGRETS
Whoops! Whilst eulogising about my recent 7-2 tupping of Woodchester Rovers, I inadvertently referred to Mr. Cartmell’s lot as last year’s league runners-up, when in fact Trusted By Millions were Mega Bucks’ bridesmaids. Sorry about that Beef.
EVEN AT THE AGE OF TEN, SMARTBOY KEVIN WAS A SMART BOY THEN
I seem to have started something with my article in the last Newsletter about Clive using a 4-syllable word on the football pitch. Now observant Aardvark manager Ady Bevan has reported an instance of a 5-syllable word being used! This came in a Sunday League game against TTP’s old friendly (?) rivals Kylie Minogue’s Love Children (of which Willy Shakey boss Peej is a founder). At the restart, Kylie captain (lager) “Big Kev” Gunning was heard to exhort his team to greater efforts in the second half, as “we’re playing up an appreciable gradient!!”. Very articulate and all, big Kev, but couldn’t you have just said “uphill”?
PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GOALS
Apologies to Stephen Morrissey for fucking up his lyric there, but it seemed appropriate for this story. Prettier Than You boss Rachel Griffiths has been doing a “Viola’s Pier” and showing her strikers how to do it. Rachel scored a dramatic last minute winner in the BT Ladies’ 2-1 win over Burmah Castrol last week. This was even notched up with her left foot, no less! Craig Bellamy, take note…
Incidentally, Viola’s Pier boss Steve Paul hit a third Dorcan TTP hat-trick in a row a couple of weeks ago, courtesy of 3 crisp strikes in a 7-3 win against Acorn Press. Modesty prevents me from mentioning the identity of the goalkeeper whose surging run into the heart of the Acorn defence set up Steve’s second, though…
GIMME ME BIG MAC, GIMME FRIES TO GO
Eyebrows were raised when Boston Rock recently signed Charlton’s unknown 20 year old midfielder Scott Parker. “Scott who?”, I hear you ask. Well, cast your mind back 10 years or so to a MacDonalds TV ad, in which a red shirted kid performed amazingly precocious ball-juggling feats in his back garden, before being called in by his mum to go to MacDonalds for tea. Where is that youth prodigy now, I hear you ask? Well, I just signed him! Just lay off the Big Macs for now, Scotty…
TRANSFER UPDATE
Nil Satis are at it again! Paul Saleh’s squad are rapidly usurping Aardvark Abacus as the big money boys of the League. This time Paul spent a club record £14.5 million on Bordeaux forward Silvain Wiltord, whilst selling David Johnson to longtime admirers Trusted By Millions, for a whopping £8.5 million.
Elsewhere, somebody woke Prov up! Donkey Derby County whirled into transfer action and bought defenders Andy Myers, Fabian Wilnis and Adam Murray, and midfielders Keith O’Neill, Steffen Freund, Thomas Butler and John Oster, for the combined total of FF£3.5 million, whilst allowing veteran forward Tony Cottee to leave for Norwich on a free. All these transfers, of course, are precursers for the imminent arrival of his new twin strike force. Good luck with that, boy.
Mega Buck manager MC has lost patience with bad boy Patrick Vieira, and traded the errant midfielder with Fred West LG XI for their outspoken defender Frank LeBoeuf. Vieira is therefore now working for a manager who is as evil as he is!
Other deals are as follows
Player From To Fee
Alan Thompson 22 Legged Groove Machine Celtic £2,750,000
Steve Howey Trusted By Millions Nil Satis Nisi Optimum £2,000,000
John Moncur Prettier Than You West Ham £250,000
Steve Stone Aston Villa Prettier Than You £500,000
Michael Stewart Manchester United Fred West LG XI £500,000
GOTTA GOTTA GETAWAY
If any of you have any players, whom you’d be willing to sell for the right price, or swop for another player/s, let me know and I can advertise them in future Newsletters. Similarly, if you’re looking to strengthen your squad in any specific areas, then this is the place to advertise. Let me know. Let’s get the transfer market up and running!!
Personally, Boston Rock FC are looking for a regularly playing defender with possibly an international pedigree, with cash and/or 1st choice/goalscoring midfielders to offer in exchange for the right man. Anyone interested in doing business?
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
I was going to ask a question about Duncan MacKenzie this week, but it seems you all already know what he used to get up to with minis and golf balls. So here’s another one, which combines 2 of my main loves, footy and rock music. Here goes;
Crack late 70’s post-punk outfit The Undertones (whom the observant amongst you will notice are also contributors of one of this Newsletters’ lyric headlines) recorded a song whose title has since entered into popular Modern Football Culture. What’s the title?
One entry per person again, to me at e-mail david.2.rose@bt.com, or 01793 547614 (work) or 495101 (home), by lunchtime on Monday 18th September.
Last week’s answer was Sunderland. They won the league wearing stripes in 1935/36, and won the FA Cup fielding no internationals in 1973 (yes I know Dennis Tueart played for England, but that wasn’t until 1975, when he was at Man City). Elland Road Big Boys are now FF£150K richer, for being the first correct answer drawn out of the hat by Prettier Than You boss Rachel. Well done Dean, and comiserations to Clive, Ady and MC, who also got it right.
SHORTS
When is Clive going to organise a WSFFL Social Evening? I reckon we should have these more often, what does anyone else think?… Has anyone other than me noticed that Elland Road Big Boys boss Dean Watts keep chucking Paul Gilchrist in and out of the pool? Is he trying to drown the burly defender, or is this some warped version of the popular Aussie sport of dwarf throwing?…
WSFFL RESULTS
W/C 4 September 2000 - Week 3
Aardvark Abacus
|
2
|
Vs
|
3
|
You know your Boston Rock FC
|
43,360
| ||
JF Hasselbaink
Silvinho
|
M Pahars
L Bowyer
A Goma
| ||||||
Claymore Athletic FC
|
2
|
Vs
|
3
|
Mega Buck Bandits
|
66,447
| ||
T Henry
JD Job
|
T Sheringham (2)
P Neville
| ||||||
Elland Road Big Boys
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Woodchester Rovers
|
20,043
| ||
A Akinbiyi
|
A Shearer (pen)
A Griffin
| ||||||
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
|
4
|
Vs
|
1
|
Viola's Pier
|
46,605
| ||
S Rebrov (2) (1 pen)
A Nyarko
R Wallwork
|
J Magilton (pen)
| ||||||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
|
34,923
| ||
A Cole
|
D Beckham
M Silvestre
| ||||||
Prettier than You
|
2
|
Vs
|
3
|
Trusted by Millions
|
24,290
| ||
R Johnsen
A Hughes
|
M Owen (3)
| ||||||
Real Muppets
|
1
|
Vs
|
0
|
Short Straw Rovers
|
35,316
| ||
A Boksic
| |||||||
22 Legged Groove Machine
|
0
|
Vs
|
1
|
Willy Shakey
|
22,109
| ||
M Elliott
| |||||||
York's Returning Glory
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Donkey Derby County
|
40,055
| ||
B Deane
|
G Zola
G Wiekens
| ||||||
Team of the Week: Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
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