I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY
First off in this week’s Newsletter, I’d like to welcome Richard Smith, a drinking buddy of many of the managers in the League, into the ranks of the Fantasy League managers. Rich has taken over the former Init2winit team and has decided, for reasons best known to himself, to rename them Kylie Bumcheeks. Well, why not?
Rich has already made mention that he’s planning a bit of a clear-out of his dead wood once the transfer embargo is lifted, so if you’re interested in making him an offer on any of his players, you can find him. Watch the vultures swoop!
EVERY OTHER THURSDAY’S MINE, GET MY CASH ON TIME
Okay, we now have a way forward on the Bank Balance situation. Unfortunately Ryan confirmed that Clive’s Fantasy League database is now “toast”, but Clive had provided me with the bank balances for all teams as at the 27 May 2000. Our auditor, Mega Bucks’ manager Dave Bevan, is currently beavering away even as you read this, updating the then-balances with all the transfer activity (some 350 transfers) which have occurred since then. Also, an estimated gate receipt figure of £5 million (calculated based on the usual gate receipt of £10 per head for an average Premiership gate of 40,000, multiplied by 12 home and 12 away fixtures for each team for the season to date, and rounded up) for the season to date will be added to ALL MANAGERS’ balances, to produce a hopefully reasonably accurate current figure. The reason to go with the estimated gate receipt figure is threefold;
- I want to get back on track and resume normal service (including normal transfer activity) as soon as possible,
- I don’t have all the gate receipt data available for this season, and
- Dave does have a life, after all!
Please note that all transfer/ gate receipt activity is still suspended until Dave completes his audit calculations. I will then publish a list of players who have recently joined the Premiership (e.g. Booth, Kanchelskis) in the following newsletter, and take singleton bids from managers until 8 p.m. on the following Monday after publication of the newsletter. This will also include any players (e.g. Joachim, Prior) dumped into the pool immediately prior to the suspension of transfer activity.
HE AIN’T HEAVY, HE’S MY BROTHER
The weekend’s Bevan derby saw a serious tonking for reigning champions Mega Buck Bandits by a resurgent Aardvark Abacus, Ady whopping his big bro’ 5-0 and earning himself the weekend TOTW honours (and the hundred grand) in the process.
At the top, it’s beginning to be a 2 horse race between Real Muppets and Willy Shakey. The Muppets gained the advantage in this week’s midweek fixtures, as they turned over Donkey Derby County 3-1 whilst Willy Shakey slipped up against Viola’s Pier, 1-0. Viola’s win earned Steve Paul the midweek TOTW hundred grand. Both Willy Shakey and the Muppets won at the weekend, the Muppets against Pacer’s Pacesetters by the same score, 3-1, as midweek, and with the same scorers (G Neville, Stepanovs and the promising Ashley Cole). Weird!
The FA Cup replays saw Short Straw and the Groove Machine advance at the expense of Claymore and Mega Bucks respectively (bad weekend for MC all round, really), whilst Trusted and Pacers, who drew 1-1, have to replay again this coming weekend.
IN ENDLESS TIME, IN ENDLESS ART
The Draw (draw, “Endless Art”, geddit? Oh well) for the Fantasy FA Cup Quarter finals took place on Saturday afternoon in Ady’s car on the way up to the gig in London by Texas punk act …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. Thomas Monk acted as an independent observer and also drew the home teams, and Prettier Than You boss Rachel drew the away teams. The draw is as follows;
Willy Shakey v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Real Muppets v Pacer’s Pacesetters/ Trusted By Millions
You Know Your Boston Rock FC v 22 Legged Groove Machine
Prettier Than You v Short Straw Rovers
The ties will be played on the weekend of 24 February 2001.
IN A CROWDED ROOM, STARING INTO SPACE
One of the things I’ve quickly discovered that my role as League Co-ordinator will give me complete responsibility for (once the bank balances are sorted out, that is), is for allocating the crowd figures for each fixture. To recap; the crowd fixtures are derived from the nine highest Premiership fixtures of the weekend, and gate receipts of £10 per head awarded 75% to the home team and 25% to the away team. F’rinstance if Willy Shakey and Fred West play each other, with Willy as the home team and a crowd of 50,000, then Willy gets £375,000 and Fred gets £125,000 credited to their respective bank balances.
Now, I must confess I’m a bit uncomfortable about this responsibility. Clive traditionally took a judgement call on which game was awarded which gate, based on the attractiveness of the fixture in relation to the teams’ positions in the league. The league leaders are therefore pretty much always awarded a good gate (and therefore more cash), but might not necessarily get the highest gate, e.g. if 1st were playing 17th and 2nd were playing 4th, then the 2nd v 4th might get the highest gate.
This still strikes me as a little arbitrary, and perpetuates the “rich getting richer, poor getting poorer” process which anyone who was at the EGM would remember me tubthumping about, and which I would like to address to ensure everyone gets a fair crack. That said, I accept that people doing well in the league would expect to be rewarded for their efforts and good work. So I’m a little stumped about what to suggest.
I’d appreciate your views about how the gates are currently awarded, and whether anyone can come up with a good suggestion about how to make them fairer and to take the decision out of my hands, which could go forward to the AGM as a rule change proposal. All suggestions to me please. Get y’r thinking caps on, people!
SOMEONE WHO’S A LITTLE LIKE HIM THOUGH, DON’T KNOW HIS NAME BUT HE PLAYS GUITAR IN SEBADOH
I just got another “Thoughts of Chairman Dean” missive from Down Under, which once again I’d like to share with y’all in full-on unexpurgated lunacy;
“On the lighter side of Fantasy (I think we need it) here are a few Lookie-Likeys. Couple of good ones, couple of dodgy ones… here goes.
1. My favourite - Being a pom living in Melbourne, the last couple of weeks I’ve seen a fair amount of Tennis. This one guy (rank 5 in the world) I think is the twin brother of Mega Bucks star player, the old git Sheringham. The tennis player Yefgeny Kafelnikov. What do you think? I think it’s the 5 year old first school hair cut they both have!!!
2. This guy looks like the other person best, when he’s booking somebody. Yes it’s one of our beloved referees, Neale Barry, I swear he is the younger brother of the late great, sorry late gay deceased, shut that door, Larry Grayson. Everytime he pulls out the yellow card, I’m waiting for him to lift his leg behind him, put his finger to his mouth & look the player up and down, just like he did on the Gen Game.
3. Another referee - Andy D’Urso - Bit of a long shot, but if you remember Spitting Image (course you all do), he reminds me of the little David Steele puppet with black hair who sat on the other David (Owen)’s lap?
4. This ones for those that drink down the Savoy, with the Bevans and Mr Phil Selby. It’s Shaun, Avril’s husband, I swear he is Gary McAllister in disguise???
That will do for now. And no, I haven’t been out in the sun too long!” You sure, cobber?
TRANSFER NEWS
See the transfer info in “Every Other Thursday’s Mine” article on Page 1.
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
Help! Help! Call for the Fashion Police!!
Which current Premiership team committed such atrocities to good taste in the 1970s (never the most tasteful decade, I’ll grant you) by adopting away strip designs including green and black stripes, and all chocolate brown?
One entry per person as usual please, to me on phone number 01793 495101 (home) or e-mail Swindonsheriff@aol.com, by close of play on Sunday 11 February.
The Welsh rock band who sponsored Cardiff City’s shirts for a Welsh Cup game were Super Furry Animals. Well, it’s better than being sponsored by Wet Wet Wet!!!
Right answers from Prov and Rachel, once again. Congrats to Prov this time, who I tossed a coin and shouted “heads” on behalf of, and it duly came down heads. Donkey Derby County will therefore be £75,000 richer once the bank balances are sorted!
SHORTS
2 recent recats which Clive hadn’t advised me about - James Scowcroft to Midfield and Keiron Dyer to Attack. Both players play for our newest team Kylie Bumcheeks… and a suggestion from Clive as well: “Where possible (but obviously not mandatory) managers submit their teams [to the league co-ordinator] via e-mail, and copy their selection to their opponents for information. This is something that I intend to do with immediate effect, whenever I can”. Over to the rest of you?…
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/C 29 January 2001 - Week 23
Trusted by Millions 1-1 You know your Boston Rock FC
Burley (1) Ferdinand
Aardvark Abacus 4-1 Pacer's Pacesetters
Campbell (2) Cole
Harte
Lauren
Keane
Elland Road Big Boys 1-0 York's Returning Glory
Dixon
Prettier Than You 1-2 Kylie Bumcheeks
Naysmith (1) Radebe
Scowcroft
Donkey Derby County 1-3 Real Muppets
Zola G Neville
Stepanovs
A Cole
Fred West Landscape Gardening 3-0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Lundekvam
Brown
Gronkjaer
Mega Buck Bandits 1-2 Short Straw Rovers
Parlour (1) Dodd
Heskey
Viola's Pier 1-0 Willy Shakey
Winterburn (1)
22 Legged Groove Machine 1-1 Claymore Athletic FC
Poyet Stam
Performance Of The Week – Viola’s Pier
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/E 4 February 2001 - Week 24
You know your Boston Rock FC 1-0 York's Returning Glory
Delaney
Willy Shakey 1-0 Claymore Athletic FC
Adams (1)
Trusted by Millions 1-2 22 Legged Groove Machine
Burley (1) Riggott
Izzet
Viola's Pier 2-1 Donkey Derby County
Rowett (1) Bergkamp
Irwin
Real Muppets 3-1 Pacer's Pacesetters
G Neville (1) Andrew Cole
Stepanovs
Ashley Cole
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1-0 Prettier Than You
Alpay
Fred West Landscape Gardening 1-3 Elland Road Big Boys
Vickers OG (1) Kisischev
Fowler 2
Kylie Bumcheeks 0-2 Short Straw Rovers
(1) A Wright
S Wright
Mega Buck Bandits 0-5 Aardvark Abacus
(1) Campbell
Babbel
Smicer
Hasselbaink
Keane
Performance Of The Week – Aardvark Abacus
FA CUP 1st ROUND REPLAY RESULTS 2000/01
W/E 3 February 2001
Short Straw Rovers 2-0 Claymore Athletic
A Wright (1)
S Wright
22 Legged Groove Machine 1-0 Mega Buck Bandits
Riggott (1)
Izzet
Trusted By Millions 1-1 Pacer’s Pacesetters
Burley (1) Cole
Replay this weekend, 10 February 2001
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