STONE COLD NIGHT ON A COLD STONE FLOOR
I’m not referring to my problems with my new Gas Boiler over Chrimble, honestly! No, the above lyric (one of the more obscure lines from U2’s “New Year’s Day”) is my way of wishing you all a Happy New 2001, and welcoming you to the bumper first Newsletter of 2001!!! Never mind the quality, feel the width of the waffle…
THE WORLD IS A SNOWBALL, SEE HOW IT GROWS
After a hectic Christmas schedule, Willy Shakey have forged a 4 point lead at the top, by virtue of a 100% record over the period. Breathless in their wake are Real Muppets and Mega Buck Bandits, with the other challengers some distance behind. It looks as if it’s down to these three for the title, barring a superb run from somebody…
Nil Satis climb to an impressive 6th, after also notching a 100% Chrimbo record, including an impressive 2-0 win over title challengers Real Muppets. And at the bottom, the same old faces huddle together for winter warmth, although Pacer’s did manage to notch up only their 2nd win of the season, against fellow strugglers York’s.
A clutch of Premiership games were postponed on 30/12 due to the weather, which meant only 2 Fantasy games went ahead on that date. The others are rescheduled to this weekend, Saturday 6 January – see the attached fixture list for further details.
TOTW winners over the Chrimble period were;
- 23/12; The 22 Legged Groove Machine for their impressive 9-1 demolition job on Init2winit. “You’re playing with the big boys now”, Rich is understood to have remarked to new manager Claire following this thrashing. Indeed.
- 26/12; Viola’s Pier, both for their 4-1 tonking of Short Straw Rovers and for their impressive 5-2 Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy semi win over Init2winit.
- 30/12; Nil Satis Nisi Optimum, for beating Viola’s Pier 2-0. A bit of a hollow award this, as only 2 games were played, but I’m sure Paul won’t mind.
- 1/1; Aardvark Abacus, for an impressive 4-3 win over in-form Short Straw Rovers.
Congrats to all; the FF£100K cheques are in the post.
I FORGET TO FORGET, I AIN’T REMEMBERED YET
The Final of the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy will be played on 13 January 2001, between Fred West Landscape Gardening XI and Viola’s Pier. In the semis, Viola’s eased past Init2winit 5-2, whilst Fred overcame Mega Bucks in confusing and controversial circumstances, when after initially publishing the semi result as a 2-2 draw, our esteemed co-ordinator realised he’d forgotten about Fred’s Klaus Lundekvam clean sheet! The correct score was therefore 2-1 to Fred.
And as for the main WSFFL knockout prize, the Fantasy FA Cup, that kicks off this weekend. The Preliminary Round draw, also to be played on 6 January 2000, is;
- Trusted by Millions vs Elland Road Big Boys
- Init2winit vs Viola’s Pier
This gives Claire a chance to extract early revenge against Steve Paul for that semi-final tonking, even though she was not impressed with coming out of the hat at this early stage of the competition. Clive’s on short rations in retaliation, I understand.
AND DON’T YOU GET YOUR HOPES UP HIGH, THE KID’S ALRIGHT
Typical! Whilst my Boston Rock forwards Alan Smith and Marian Pahars are going through a Ryan Moore-esque scoring drought (not a goal from either in 12 games and counting), my young forward Jermaine DeFoe, “on loan” from Boston Rock (and West Ham) to Bournemouth, can’t stop hitting the net! DeFoe, a mere 18, has notched 10 in 8 games (up to and including New Year’s Day) whilst at Dean Court, earning rave reviews in the process.
So how’s about this for a rule change proposal; if any of your players are “on loan” to lower division clubs, you can play them and whatever they get for their “on loan” clubs counts in our game!!! What do you think, Clive? Clive??? Stop laughing, Clive lad. Schadenfreude’s not polite.
THERE’S A GUY WORKS DOWN THE CHIP SHOP SWEARS HE’S ELVIS
I thought the above lyric from poor old Kirsty McColl, recently hit round the head with a speedboat, might suit an article about some more looky-likes. Whilst watching Emmerdale I noticed that Jack Sugden’s adopted son Andy bore a resemblance to Aardvark Abacus’ fullback Silvinho. Just keep him away from the lighters, Ady. Also, don’t you think Sheffield Wednesday’s embattled boss Paul Jewell looks like Pacer’s Pacesetters’ similarly under-pressure boss Andy Ballard? And while we’re at it, is Trusted By Millions boss Beef loaning his haircut to 5-times Olympic Champion Steve Redgrave? Mind you, the way Beef played in the recent TTP-Erin footy game at Dorcan, maybe he should think about taking up another sport…
CARTOON BOYFRIEND, WHEN YOU GONNA RUB YOURSELF OUT?
How’s this for life imitating art? Has anyone else noticed that in the Daily Mirror’s “Scorer” cartoon strip, there’s a young black forward, a colleague of the lead character Dave Storry at Tolcaster Rovers, who goes by the name of Trevor Benjamin? Is this the same young black forward who plays for Leicester City and Prettier Than You, I ask myself? As our Trev is merely “on loan” to PTY for this season from Boston Rock FC, I hope you’re not letting him moonlight without my permission, Rachel…
I’VE NEVER BEEN TOO GOOD WITH NAMES BUT I REMEMBER FACES…?
Know Your Own Team Dept.; In a Christmas Sky Sports Premiership Pub Quiz at the Footplate and Firkin, Aardvark Abacus boss Ady’s quiz team failed to recognise both Matthew Upson and Sam Della Bonna in the Picture Round. So what, you might say? Well, both Upson and Della Bonna both play for…. you guessed it, Aardvark Abacus!
Now I can understand Ady not recognising Arsenal reserve defender Upson. But Della Bonna? Hold on, wasn’t he the guy whose recent sub goal caused Ady to drop Vlad “the inhaler” (he’s got asthma, bad joke) Smicer from his starting line-up to bring in the injured Pat “Gerhard” Berger, so that it would count, therefore causing all this recent bad boy rules vs. ethics debate? Well, Ady lad??? I think you should sell old DB, you know. Boston Rock offers one million.
TRANSFER NEWS
And while I’m at it, Ady Lad (“flippin’ ‘eck, is it open season on short managers or what?” – Ady) (“hope not” – Steve Paul) you’re a sandbagger and no mistake! After swearing blind to me at the You Are Here gig that he wasn’t interested in buying Robbie Keane, Ady goes and signs Keane for Aardvark Abacus from Internazionale for an engorged FF£13 million. This shaded my own bid for Keane by some FF£11 million, although I understand Willy Shakey’s second highest bid was slightly closer.
Other recent deals are as follows;
Player From To Fee
Karim Bagheri Chalton Athletic 22 Legged Groove Machine £500,000
Diego Gavilan Claymore Athletic Newcastle United £250,000
John McGreal Ipswich Town Claymore Athletic £500,000
Ramon Vega Donkey Derby County Glasgow Celtic £500,000
Matthew Le Tissier Elland Road Big Boys Southampton £250,000
David Batty Leeds United Elland Road Big Boys £1,250,000
Michael Chopra Newcastle United Init2winit £500,000
Lee Morris Aardvark Abacus Derby County £250,000
Anthony Gardner YKY Boston Rock FC Tottenham Hotspur £250,000
TRANSFER NEWS (continued)
Player From To Fee
Shola Ameobi Newcastle United YKY Boston Rock FC £500,000
Eoin Jess Aberdeen Init2winit £500,000
Stefan Schwarz Sunderland Aardvark Abacus £500,000
Chris Kirkland Coventry City Aardvark Abacus £500,000
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
This week’s question might sound hypothetical, but it isn’t, I assure you;
Why are Sheffield Wednesday called Wednesday? Why not Tuesday or Saturday?
One entry per person as usual please, to me on phone number 01793 495101 (home) or e-mail Swindonsheriff@aol.com, by close of play on Monday 15 January, as the next newsletter will be published after the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy final.
The players listed represented the following Nations at the 1998 World Cup;
a) Smahi Triki – Morocco; b) Roar Strand – Norway; c) German Villa – Mexico;
d) Shoji Jo – Japan; and e) Naughty Mokoena – South Africa.
Of course, if they played in the Premiership (and therefore in this wonderful game of ours), they’d all be lining up for the 22 Legged Groove Machine, knowing the Big Man’s predisposition for silly named players. Remember Orlando Trustfull?
The correct replies all came from deepest darkest Yatebury this week. Claire and Clive both got all 5 right, and in a coin toss, Claire won the cash. So Init2winit are FF£75,000 richer, and Clive isn’t doing any washing up this week in protest.
SHORTS
Recats; Trusted’s £30 million yo-yo man Jamie Carragher back to Defence, recent Prettier Than You goalscorer Kevin Davies to Midfield, Mega Buck’s Jamie Clapham to Midfield, and Aardvark’s Ledley King (“now what does he look like?” - Ady) also to Midfield… is it a coincidence that Clive is now working for Ben Ford and he’s also got a striker called Joe Job in his squad? What has that old bugger Ben (first WSFFL League Winner, lest we forget, whilst also rather suspiciously being Clive’s landlord at the time) got you doing now, Clive lad?… it was lovely to see Fred back in town for New Year’s Eve, despite the subsequent bite marks on my chest. And in case you’re wondering, Fred, I did use the word “engorged” in this Newsletter especially for you. I remember that holiday postcard you and Clive sent me…
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/E of 23 December 2000 - Week 18
Init2winit
|
1
|
Vs
|
9
|
22 Legged Groove Machine
| |||
R Savage
|
OG Solskjaer (2)
M Gray
M Izzet
N Barmby
G Poyet
E Thome
M Melchiot
C Riggott
| ||||||
Mega Buck Bandits
|
4
|
Vs
|
0
|
York's Returning Glory
| |||
P Neville
C Cooper
F Leboeuf
S Henchoz
| |||||||
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
|
2
|
Vs
|
0
|
Donkey Derby County
| |||
R Dunne
E De Goey
| |||||||
Real Muppets
|
3
|
Vs
|
0
|
Claymore Athletic FC
| |||
G Neville
G Southgate
J Woodgate
| |||||||
Short Straw Rovers
|
0
|
Vs
|
2
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
D Thompson
R Fowler
| |||||||
Trusted by Millions
|
4
|
Vs
|
0
|
Pacer's Pacesetters
| |||
D Hutchison
M Owen
H Hreidarsson
M Schwarzer
| |||||||
Viola's Pier
|
1
|
Vs
|
3
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
| |||
E Gudjohnsson
|
M Desailly
W Brown
M Silvestre
| ||||||
Willy Shakey
|
3
|
Vs
|
2
|
Aardvark Abacus
| |||
F Kanoute
H Carbonari
J Terry
|
M Svensson
S Della Bona
| ||||||
You know your Boston Rock FC
|
3
|
Vs
|
0
|
Prettier Than You
| |||
J Tessem
A Thelwell
J Craddock
| |||||||
Team of the Week: 22 Legged Groove Machine
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
Boxing Day 26 December 2000 - Week 19
Aardvark Abacus
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
N Solano
|
A Akinbiyi
N Weaver
| ||||||
Donkey Derby County
|
0
|
Vs
|
5
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
| |||
P Vieira
F Ljungberg
M Silvestre
W Brown
K Lundekvam
| |||||||
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
|
3
|
Vs
|
0
|
Real Muppets
| |||
S Gemmill
S Howey
A Ozalan
| |||||||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
2
|
Vs
|
0
|
York's Returning Glory
| |||
S Pearce
C Fleming
| |||||||
Prettier Than You
|
3
|
Vs
|
4
|
Claymore Athletic FC
| |||
O Dacourt
K Davies
T El Khalej
|
T Henry (3)
P Di Canio
| ||||||
Trusted by Millions
|
3
|
Vs
|
4
|
Willy Shakey
| |||
K Phillips (3)
|
F Kanoute (2)
T Sinclair
T Adams
| ||||||
22 Legged Groove Machine
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Mega Buck Bandits
| |||
OG Solskjaer
|
M Hadji
P Neville
| ||||||
Viola's Pier
|
4
|
Vs
|
1
|
Short Straw Rovers
| |||
E Gudjohnsen (2)
N Quinn
N Winterburn
|
M Stewart
| ||||||
You know your Boston Rock FC
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Init2winit
| |||
F Lampard
|
J Beattie
J Scowcroft
| ||||||
Team of the Week: Viola's Pier
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/E of 30 December 2000 - Week 20
Donkey Derby County
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
York's Returning Glory
| |||
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
Pacer's Pacesetters
| |||
Init2winit
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
Mega Buck Bandits
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
Claymore Athletic FC
| |||
Short Straw Rovers
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
Real Muppets
| |||
Trusted by Millions
|
2
|
Vs
|
1
|
Prettier Than You
| |||
K Phillips (pen)
T Bramble
|
S Glass
|
52,134
| |||||
Viola's Pier
|
0
|
Vs
|
2
|
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
| |||
Johansson (2)
|
38,026
| ||||||
Willy Shakey
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
22 Legged Groove Machine
| |||
You know your Boston Rock FC
|
P
|
Vs
|
P
|
Aardvark Abacus
| |||
Team of the Week: Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
New Years Day 1 January 2001 - Week 21
Aardvark Abacus
|
4
|
Vs
|
3
|
Short Straw Rovers
| |||
JF Hasselbaink
R Keane (pen)
N Solano
M Babbel
|
M Stewart
J Arca
M Edworthy
| ||||||
Claymore Athletic FC
|
0
|
Vs
|
0
|
You know your Boston Rock FC
| |||
Donkey Derby County
|
0
|
Vs
|
0
|
Mega Buck Bandits
| |||
Elland Road Big Boys
|
0
|
Vs
|
2
|
Trusted by Millions
| |||
K Phillips
S Gerrard
| |||||||
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
|
0
|
Vs
|
1
|
Real Muppets
| |||
A Cole
| |||||||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
0
|
Vs
|
3
|
Init2winit
| |||
K Dyer (pen)
S Pearce (og)
G Festa
| |||||||
Prettier Than You
|
0
|
Vs
|
3
|
Willy Shakey
| |||
F Kanoute
D Burton
H Carbonari
| |||||||
22 Legged Groove Machine
|
5
|
Vs
|
1
|
Viola's Pier
| |||
OG Solskjaer
M Izzet (pen)
C Riggott
M Melchiot
M Poom
|
L Ferdinand
| ||||||
York's Returning Glory
|
0
|
Vs
|
3
|
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
| |||
S Rebrov
J Johansson
D Anderton (pen)
| |||||||
Team of the Week: Aardvark Abacus
The PAUL CARTMELL MEMORIAL TROPHY 2000/01
W/E of 23 December 2000
2nd Round Replays
Mega Buck Bandits
|
3
|
Vs
|
2
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
P Neville
C Cooper
F Leboeuf
|
D Thompson
R Fowler
| ||||||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
0
|
Vs
|
1
|
Viola's Pier
| |||
E Gudjohnsen
| |||||||
Boxing Day 26 December 2000
Semi-Finals (Revised Scores)
Mega Buck Bandits
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
| |||
M Hadji
|
P Vieira
F Ljungberg
| ||||||
Init2winit
|
2
|
Vs
|
5
|
Viola's Pier
| |||
J Beattie
J Scowcroft
|
E Gudjohnsen (2)
N Quinn
N Winterburn
D Irwin
| ||||||
The Final
Viola’s Pier
|
Vs
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
|
To be played on Saturday 13 January 2001
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