IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC, IT’S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS..
…as a bunch of real muppets top the table! Yup, Ryan’s Real Muppets hit the big time, thanks to their convincing 5-1 win at Prettier Than You and Claymore’s shock home defeat by Donkey Derby County. Jared picks up the Team Of The Week £100K thanks to this fine performance, as goals from Zola and the in-form Alex Rae earned him a 2-1 win at the home of the former league leaders. So well done Prov.
Short Straw continue their recent fine run and move into 4th with a 2-0 win over wooden spoon favourites Pacer’s Pacesetters, whilst early season pacesetters Mega Buck Bandits slip to 6th with a 3-0 defeat by Willy Shakey, the pasta-soundalike Horatio Carbonari being amongst Peej’s goalscorers. Trusted By Millions keep up their challenge, thumping York’s Returning Glory 3-1.
And is this the start of the Groove Machine revival? Rich Timm’s underachieving outfit suddenly hit something like their true form with a 3-0 trouncing of out-of-sorts Boston Rock, a result which sees the Sky Heroes (yeah that’s the nickname of my team, wanna make something of it, eh?) slump to the bottom half of the table for the first time this season. Bloody hell.
GUESS I GOT MY FEET IN THE SKY, AND I WONDER WHY
Another favourite fell at the first hurdle in the weekend’s League Cup First Round replays, Claymore Athletic crashing out to Elland Road Big Boys. The other replay produced another deadlock, Mega Buck and Donkey Derby drawing 2-2. They replay again this weekend. Hurry up and sort it out, boys, as Clive’s running out of weekends to get the other rounds in!
SHE’S RIGHT, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
I’ve been well and truly put in my place by the female contingent of the WSFFL management, for suggesting that Sheffield Wednesday play like women. Rachel told me off good and proper, saying “Oi you bugger, haven’t seen you on the sidelines of a Swindon Spitfires WFC game for almost a year now - how would you know?” So here’s some public genuflection from your humble editor; Sorry Bob, I consider myself humbly chastised. Paul Jewell, however, must be in real trouble…
ANGRY JEALOUS SPIES, GOT TELEPHONES FOR EYES
Further to the “Holes, Dug By Little Moles” article last week, the Executive Committee members Paul Cartmell and Clive have decided on 3 options to the course of action to follow up Ady’s tactics. These were e-mailed out to all managers, but I thought I’d summarise them in this week’s Newsletter, so here goes;
- Do not change the rules and congratulate Ady on his masterful, if a little dubious tactics.
- All teams to be registered with Clive by 1500 hrs on Saturday, irrespective of players selected who may well be playing on Sunday or Monday.
- All team selections with Clive by kickoff time of the first Premiership game of the weekend. This will account for the occasional Saturday lunchtime game.
These options will be debated at Monday’s WSFFL Social Evening, so if you can’t make it but would like to air your views on the subject, please e-mail me and I‘ll take your views along. Thanks, by the way, to Fred who has already done this.
MY GUT SENSE TELLS ME THAT TONIGHT’S THE BIG NIGHT
And just a reminder to those that need it; the first WSFFL Fantasy Social Evening of the 2000/2001 Season (and hopefully not the last) is this forthcoming Monday, 11 December 2000 at the Allied Dunbar Social Club. Kick off 7.30. Drink beer, talk transfers, pick on Ady; fun for all the family!! Hope to see y’all there.
EVEN OLD NEW YORK WAS ONCE NEW AMSTERDAM
I got a fun little e-mail from our antipodean colleague Mr. Watts, manager of Elland Road Big Boys, which I’d like to share with y’all;
“When picking my team for Saturday, I noticed as I was writing it down, I actually had a Black American Woman Tennis Player in my defence, the player being Mark VENUS and Paul WILLIAMS. Then I looked at the rest of my squad, and noticed in my midfield I could actually have picked Nicky BUTT and Jacob BURNS, etc etc. So I thought could any other manager pick a team containing someone famous or a stupid saying (Carlton Palmer doesn’'t count !!!).”
Dean, you’ve obviously got too much time on your hands. But is anyone out there similarly afflicted? Let me know. Incidentally, bad joke alert; Which Premiership goalie has the longest kick? Ipswich’s Richard Wright has, of course, as he can kick all the way to Venus. Groan.
TRANSFER NEWS
A bit of a mop-up job this week; here’s some transfers I’ve missed recently;
Player From To Fee
Jose Dominguez Donkey Derby County Kaiserslautern £250,000
Luc Nilis Willy Shakey Aston Villa £850,000
Robert Molenaar Leeds United York’s Returning Glory £500,000
Tore Andre Flo Aardvark Abacus Glasgow Rangers £12,000,000
Israel Zuniga Coventry City Aardvark Abacus £500,000
Taribo West Derby County Willy Shakey £500,000
Steven Wright Liverpool Short Straw Rovers £500,000
THE FF£75,000 QUESTION
This is a good one, and will send you all scuttling for your Rothmans;
Which is the only Premiership team never to have been relegated from the English top flight (either the old first Division, or the Premiership, as appropriate)?
Don’t give yourselves headaches scanning the stats lists! One entry per person as usual please, to me either in person, on phone number 01793 495101 (home) or e-mail Swindonsheriff@aol.com, by close of play on Monday 11th December. I’ll announce the correct answer (if anyone gives a flying one), and do the winner’s draw (if I’ve gotten more than 1 correct answer) at the end of the Social Evening that night.
The highest Premier/ Nationwide Ground above sea level is in fact The Hawthorns, home of “Yow Baggyes” West Bromwich Albion. Oh yes. Haven’t you noticed how thin the air gets when you’re driving north towards the M5/ M6 interchange?
I thought for a time I was going to have to give the cash to the geographically closest incorrect guess (in which case Ady's guess of the Bescot Stadium, Walsall, would’ve won). But then Clive came up with the only correct entry, so Claymore Athletic are FF£75,000 richer. Well done Clive.
SHORTS
Can I have some new fixtures for the next Newsletter please Clive? These ones run out next weekend!… More looky-likes! Short Straw’s Fabian Barthez is the spit of former horror movie baddie Donald Pleasance, and Boston Rock’s Mark Fish resembles now-deceased Coronation Street baddie Jez Quigley. What do y’all think?… Rich is still trying to flog off his Sunderland defender Jody Craddock. He’s now looking for a playing midfielder with a top half side in exchange for the young Mackem centre-half. Any offers direct to Rich.
LEAGUE RESULTS 2000/01
W/E of 2 December 2000 - Week 15
Aardvark Abacus
|
4
|
Vs
|
1
|
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
| |||
J F Hasselbaink
N Solano
D Domi
M Babbel
|
P Vieira
| ||||||
Claymore Athletic FC
|
1
|
Vs
|
2
|
Donkey Derby County
| |||
P Di Canio
|
G Zola
A Rae
| ||||||
Elland Road Big Boys
|
2
|
Vs
|
0
|
Viola's Pier
| |||
A Akinbiyi
P Dickov
| |||||||
Mega Buck Bandits
|
0
|
Vs
|
3
|
Willy Shakey
| |||
C Ziege
H Carbonari
T Adams
| |||||||
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
|
0
|
Vs
|
0
|
Woodchester Rovers
| |||
Pacer's Pacesetters
|
0
|
Vs
|
2
|
Short Straw Rovers
| |||
E Heskey
I Stimac
| |||||||
Prettier Than You
|
1
|
Vs
|
5
|
Real Muppets
| |||
S Collymore
|
M Viduka
D Dublin
R Delap
G Neville
S Westerveld
| ||||||
22 Legged Groove Machine
|
3
|
Vs
|
0
|
You know your Boston Rock FC
| |||
C Riggott
E Thome
M Fish (og)
| |||||||
York's Returning Glory
|
1
|
Vs
|
3
|
Trusted by Millions
| |||
P Scholes
|
K Phillips
J Aloisi
G Taggart
| ||||||
Team of the Week: Donkey Derby County
LEAGUE CUP 2000/01
W/E of 2 December 2000
1st Round Proper Replays
Claymore Athletic FC
|
1
|
Vs
|
3
|
Elland Road Big Boys
| |||
P Di Canio
|
A Akinbiyi
P Dickov
L Dixon
| ||||||
Mega Buck Bandits
|
2
|
Vs
|
2
|
Donkey Derby County
| |||
P Neville
S Henchoz
|
G Zola
A Rae
| ||||||
Second Replay to take place over the weekend of 9 December 2000
FANTASY FOOTBALL, WEST SWINDON LEAGUE
LEAGUE TABLE
As at 3 December 2000
Team P W D L F A Diff Pts
1 Real Muppets 15 10 3 2 38 24 14 33
2 Willy Shakey 15 11 0 4 27 13 14 33
3 Claymore Athletic FC 15 10 1 4 38 22 16 31
4 Short Straw Rovers 15 9 2 4 30 13 17 29
5 Trusted by Millions 15 9 0 6 34 30 4 27
6 Mega Buck Bandits 15 8 3 4 29 26 3 27
7 Aardvark Abacus 15 7 4 4 34 20 14 25
8 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 15 8 0 7 21 26 -5 24
9 Woodchester Rovers 15 7 1 7 27 26 1 22
10 You know your Boston Rock FC 15 7 1 7 24 32 -8 22
11 Elland Road Big Boys 15 6 2 7 22 18 4 20
12 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 15 5 4 6 22 18 4 19
13 22 Legged Groove Machine 15 6 1 8 27 27 0 19
14 Donkey Derby County 15 6 1 8 15 22 -7 19
15 Viola's Pier 15 5 1 9 19 21 -2 16
16 Prettier Than You 15 4 2 9 18 36 -18 14
17 York's Returning Glory 15 2 2 11 12 35 -23 8
18 Pacer's Pacesetters 15 1 0 14 13 41 -28 3
Totals 270 121 28 121 450 450 0 391
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